US & Them

‘FEW Londoners and visitors to the place can have failed to notice the enormous pill box that occupies one end of smart Grosvenor Square. Its the US Embassy. And it … (read more)

Posted: 3rd, January 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Teenie Poppers

‘WHY did you drink that over Christmas? Because it was cheap? Because it was there? Because the rules of Beer Bungee clearly state (code 7, subsection 153a) that you must?Or … (read more)

Posted: 3rd, January 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Fairy Enough

‘WHERES the fairy? I have no idea where the fairy was, is or where shell be appearing next year. All I know is that I passed a chunk of the … (read more)

Posted: 2nd, January 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment

Breaking The Mould

‘SEE the modern Briton smoking, binge drinking and being hugely overweight about town. Does he not have fragrance? Does he not have chav chic?But it really wont do. You see, … (read more)

Posted: 30th, December 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Marooned In Paradise

‘HERES a novel way to prolong your next trip abroad and turn it into a two-centre holiday.The Sun tells the story of 53-year-old Lancashire man who jetted off in search … (read more)

Posted: 30th, December 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Collared

‘YOU pay peanuts you get monkeys. So the saying goes. What you pay for is what you get.So what does £200,000 a year buy you? As the Telegraph reports, for … (read more)

Posted: 30th, December 2005 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Lambs To The Slaughter

‘REMOVING the headphones of your new iGod, you take your usual place in church.But whats this? The churchwarden is signalling to you. He wants you to do what? To stand … (read more)

Posted: 29th, December 2005 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Public Company

‘SITUATION VACANT: Council seeks talented individual to head up its new pantomime studies programme. Some knowledge of wheelie bins an advantage.Working for the public sector has never been so easy. … (read more)

Posted: 29th, December 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Behind You!

‘BEHIND YOU! Oh, pantomimes can be sooo frustrating. How is it that Buttons cant see a huge 7ft gorilla standing behind him? How comes he cant even smell him?But should … (read more)

Posted: 29th, December 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Bob A Job

‘ANY 20 year-old who isnt a liberal doesnt have a heart, and any 40 year-old who isn’t a conservative doesn’t have a brain. Winston Churchill said that.And at first glance … (read more)

Posted: 28th, December 2005 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Boxing Clever

‘WHAT if youve only got a single-bar fire and those presents wont burn? What to do?You could bury them in a shallow grave in Epping Forest, or wrap that Harry … (read more)

Posted: 28th, December 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Snow Go

‘TIME to pull on your new knitted jumper and those musical socks or, better yet, chuck them on the fire. Its getting cold out there.Blizzards batter Britain, announce the … (read more)

Posted: 28th, December 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Honest John

‘ELTON TAKES DAVID UP THE AISLE, says the Sun. Its the front-page headline that brings the big news story of Elton Johns wedding to David Furnish without offending the papers … (read more)

Posted: 22nd, December 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Tea Bar

‘CAN GREEN TEA CURE CANCER? asks the Express of its readers via the papers front page. Somewhere in Wapping … (read more)

Posted: 22nd, December 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Don’t Mention The War

‘THANKS to the way we teach history in our schools, this summer thousands of our young men and woman will descend on Germany for the World Cup with a deep … (read more)

Posted: 22nd, December 2005 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Out Of Order

‘MY apologies if youre not in to read this. I was in the area of my computer and thought it best to write now. I work on a 24-hour system, … (read more)

Posted: 22nd, December 2005 | In: Reviews | Comment

The Liver Birds

‘GOD-LIKE geniuses come around in football only very occasionally. However, in former Valencia boss Rafa Benitez, Liverpool may well uncovered someone with powers not seen on earth since the days … (read more)

Posted: 22nd, December 2005 | In: Back pages | Comment

The Last Straw

‘WHAT do you do with Thatchers when youve no longer a use for them? The Queen Mother and Prince Edward … (read more)

Posted: 21st, December 2005 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Nicotine Junior

‘WHAT do you get the 12-year-old who has everything? Little Armani already has an Asbo, an electronic tag and a crate of alcopops. Mum and dad are going to have … (read more)

Posted: 21st, December 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Fowl Play

‘MORE news now on Toga, the penguin stolen by hungry thieves from his home on the Isle of White. Toga twizzlers … (read more)

Posted: 21st, December 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Winning At Last

‘NO-ONE could have predicted that in 2005, Lord Sebastian Coe would once again find himself the toast of the nation. Yet the former Olympic champions work in stuffing it to … (read more)

Posted: 20th, December 2005 | In: Back pages | Comment

Toga Party

‘YESTERDAY we reminded you that if supermarket shopping for turkey is too tame, you can go hunting with guns for a duck or a polar bear to roast and stuff … (read more)

Posted: 20th, December 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Long In The Tooth

‘WHEN hes not heavy breathing and bragging about his third leg, Rolf Harris is painting. Rolf and that dead shark … (read more)