Katie Price Beats Britney Spears And Suri Cruise To Media Award

Joan Collins and the Daily Mail find a way to namecheck Peter Andre, Katie Price, Big Brother, Jade Goody, Peter Andre, Kerry Katona, Dannii Minogue, the X Factor, Britney Spears, Suri Cruise and just about any other celebrity you want to read about…

A TRULY brilliant story on the Mail’s front page, as it uses a picture of Katie Price to highlight its, er, “NONENTITIES” awards.

Yep. Katie Price is such a nonentity she is now reduced to appearing on the Mail’s front page. Even the Daily Star doesn’t bother with her, leading instead with Umar Abdulmutallab and the war on terror.

Anorak

Posted: 29th, December 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment

Celebrity Big Brother: The Full List Of Housemates

CELEBRITY Big Brother looms like Beth Ditto over a bidet. The show is coming. But who is on it? The list thus far – their Big Brother reasons for watching in brackets:

Pamela Anderson (face of acceptable corporate porn)

Russell Grant (founder of the Middlesex Family Foundation and most likely to talk about ‘Uranus’ )

MC Hammer (poor Man’s MC Hammer – giving chance for someone to use the phrase “old skool”)

Alex Reid (Mr Toffee Crisp 2009)

Anorak

Posted: 28th, December 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)

Jade Goody Stars In Pantomime And Jack Tweed’s ‘Playboy’ Message

DAY Three of the tabloids’ Christmas Without Jade. Having seen Widow Hanky (Jackiey Budden) at her daughter’s graveside, heard from Buttons (Jeff Brazier) and experienced the Babes in the Woodford’s message to mum and her new best mate Michael Jackson, time to introduce Jack Tweed, aka Dickhead Whittington.

Anorak

Posted: 28th, December 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Amanda Holden Rescues Katie Price To Be Alan Sugar’s 3D Apprentice Finger

KATIE Price is “set to star” in The Apprentice, the show that’s made Sir Alan Sugar’s pointy finger a thing of entertainment.

With Surralan’s finger and Katie nipples, this is 3D TV that makes itself. So Katie will be on the show. The Daily Star has the fact. Or as the Sun reports:

The glamour model – real name Katie Price – was introduced to Sir Alan Sugar by actress Amanda Holden at a London Christmas party. Amanda, 38, asked Lord Sugar: “Why don’t you hire Katie for one of the tasks next year?”

Katie, 31, told him: “I’m not the brightest but I know how money works.” And Lord Sugar agreed to consider her proposal, saying: “I think you’d be an asset to the show.”

Anorak

Posted: 28th, December 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)

Ivana Trump Linked To Abdul Farouk Umar Abdulmutallab

JUST as you’re getting to grips with Abdul Farouk Umar Abdulmutallab, aka Umar Farouk Abdul Mutallab, Abdul Mudallad and Abdul Farouk Abdulmutallab, we get news that racial profiling air misadventure is not all that easy as Ivana Trump is “booted off a US flight after launching a foul-mouthed tirade at noisy children on the plane”.

Says a police spokesman of the Delta-Northwest flight,

“From the initial contact until Ms Trump left the property, she was saying f*** you to all the deputies and called the children ‘little f******’”

Anorak

Posted: 27th, December 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Jade Goody Is Dancing With Michael Jackson

HAVING spotted Jade Goody’s mum Jackiey Budden by her daughter’s grave for a tabloid Christmas special, the Sunday Mirror hears from Jade Goody’s husband Jeff Brazier. It is:

Our Christmas without Jade

Having experienced Easter without Jade, and already made the best of Christmas without Jade, this is more like the Christmas Sales without Jade, to be followed by New Year without Jade, Valentine’s Day without Jade, Mother’s Day without Jade and every slow news day when hacks are off in the corporate gyms with Jade.

Bobby and Freddy miss their mummy so much. They think she’s up there dancing with Michael Jackson. It was their first Christmas without her…but Jade Goody’s little ­sons Bobby and Freddy were ­determined to make sure their mummy didn’t miss out.

Anorak

Posted: 27th, December 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (5)

Destroying Brittany Murphy: Simon Monjack Admits, And Blaming Ashton Kutcher

BRITTANY Murphy is dead. She died the bathroom. The actress has been buried. And the media is still tying to bury her husband Simon Monjack. Today, as the husband grieves for his loss, the Daily Mail delivers the Christmas message of cheer and goodwill:

Has Mr Brittany Murphy got something to hide?

She’s dead. Brittany Murphy is dead. The actress has died. Did anyone think to tell the Mail? She’s not hiding. She’ is resting. Permanently. But not in peace.

In pictures: Brittany Murphy (1977-2009)

The voice at the end of the line was barely coherent. ‘I have not slept for more than two days,’ explained Simon Monjack, when we spoke to him on the phone earlier this week.

Anorak

Posted: 26th, December 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (3)

Celebrity Big Brother: Sex Den, Dead Woods And Not Kerry Katona

CELEBRITY Big Brother: Anorak’s at-a-glance look at CBB in the news: Ronnie Wood’s dead wood Ekaterina Ivanova, Kerry Katona denies and Boy George’s “sex den”…

Ekaterina Ivanova And Ronnie Wood: A Romance In Pictures

The Sun says that Ronnie Wood’s former painting partner Ekaterina Ivanova has been offered £100,000 to appear on Celebrity Big Brother.

The 21-year-old Russian is being lined up by Channel 4 chiefs hoping to inject controversy into next month’s last-ever show.

Anorak

Posted: 26th, December 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Knoxville Introduces Rocko Akira Clapp

JOHNNY Knoxville and girlfriend Naomi Nelson have give life to – brace yourselves – Rocko Akira Clapp. Knoxvill and Nelson have the Clapp.

Johnny is not Johnny’s name at all but a cray-zee moniker dreamt up for his Jackass show. His real name is the far less starry Phillip John Clapp. Phil Clapp.

Anorak

Posted: 24th, December 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Lady GaGa Salutes Lady GaGa In LA Concert: In Pictures

TO celebrate Christmas, Anorak went to LA to see Madonna’s camel, aka Lady Gaga, perform at the Nokia Theatre. During the show, the most self-aware singer wheeled out a K-Tel Record Selector attached to a Welsh dresser on which sat 8 platinum discs, or plates. The audience cheered. The dancers clapped. And Gaga almost revealed a glimpse of what she’s like behind the mask: smaller that you’d think…

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Anorak

Posted: 24th, December 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

In Pictures and Video: Brittany Murphy Dead In The Bathroom

BRITTANY Murphy is dead and Radar Online has transcribed a 2003 episode of MTV’s Diary with Brittany Murphy. Get this:

“This bathroom is incredible. I’ve always found sanctuary in the bathroom of wherever we’re living. I remember sleeping in the bathtub when I was a little girl. I thought it was really just private and nice.”

Sanctuary. Private. Nice. Oh, irony of ironies.

Anorak

Posted: 24th, December 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Hugh Grant Shaved My Moustache: Video

FERN Cotton, Kate Silverton and all other red carpet nodding heads screaming for the celebrity to approach and answer the question “How do you feel? should look at the Leap Anywhere‘s founder getting the red-carpet treatment last week and a shave from Hugh Grant at the premiere of Did You Hear About The Morgans?. Ladies, waxing is out:

spotter: Nadia

Anorak

Posted: 24th, December 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Merry Christmas From Jade Goody: In Pictures

JADE Goody is now a nostalgic part of Christmas. She’s on the front page of the Sun, chiefly because she’s still not alive. We says Jade get an Easter Egg at Easter. Now it’s Christmas.

It might well be what Jade would have wanted. Having been diagnosed on the telly with the cervical cancer that would ultimately kill her, Jade then invited cameras to follow her decline and sold her harrowing tale of a young mum dying to OK! magazine to earn as much money as possible to look after her sons.

A young woman died. It was a tragic story. It was even more tragic when OK! killed her off before she’d died, publishing a souvenir post-death issue as Jade stubbornly continued to breathe.

To the media the Jade Goody story is something other than sad. On the cover of the Sun we see lady Jackiey Budden, Jade’s mum, kissing her daughter’s headstone. It is “Christmas without Jade”.

Only, it isn’t because Jade on the cover of the Sun.

With the pain of her unbearable loss still etched across her face, Jackiey Budden braved the freezing cold to be with her daughter for an hour.

This is the Sun, part of the tabloid pack that fed off the “pig” called Jade, the “dimwit, foul-mouthed” Jade, and subjected her to a torrent of abuse. If we weren’t so cynical we’d expect the Sun felt guilty about abusing a woman but instead we imagine it’s just using Jade as a cheap, mawkish story to slap on the front page while the hacks are off in the corporate gym working out its “Pride of Heaven” awards.

Anorak

Posted: 24th, December 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

Brittany Murphy’s Last Video

BRITTANY Murphy is dead and the big question is how she can be milked for cash? Here’s how. Anorak’s Man in LA reports:

WHAT took them so long?

Producers of a movie starring late actress Brittany Murphy have spent the last couple of days falling all over themselves trying to figure out how to milk her family’s tragedy for a little pre-pre-pre-release publicity.

Anorak

Posted: 24th, December 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Brittany Murphy’s Husband Simon Monjack Tells All: In Pictures

BRITTANY Murphy’s has died and the tabloid media continues to stare at her widower, the “cloudy” Simon Monjack. He’s been talking with People magazine:

In pictures: Brittany Murphy (1977-2009)

“These rumors that she was anorexic? It’s crazy. She was slim but that was her natural physique. This is what’s killing all of us? How did it happen? Her mum, myself and her family, we want to know why we lost our baby.”

Murphy’s physique is a matter of public debate on the Huffington Post, where readers get:

Brittany Murphy’s Weight: Eating Disorder Denials Despite Changing Shape

Young woman grows up and body shape changes – read all about it!

As her career took off her weight plummeted while her chest was bigger than ever, she dyed her hair blonde, capped her teeth and appeared to have had plastic surgery although she repeatedly denied having been under the knife. As she brushed off persistent rumors that her ever-shrinking form was the result of an eating disorder.

Anorak

Posted: 23rd, December 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment

Amy Winehouse’s Arrest, RATM’s Anger And Pete Doherty’s Drugs Make This A Christmas Of Rare Nostligia

GOOD news is that the gap between episodes of the X Factor is being gamely filled with the usual suspects: first Pete Doherty is arrested for doing what you expect him to do and secondly Amy Winehouse has been charged in connection with an assault at the Milton Keynes Theatre.

Christmas is all about nostalgia. Rage Against the Machine’s old song is at No. 1, and Pete and Amy are meeting and greeting officers of the law.

Anorak

Posted: 23rd, December 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

Davina McCall Replaces Boy George In Big Brother House

BOY George is told by the High Court that he will not be able to enter the Big Brother house and be filmed 24 hours a day.

His place will now be taken by Davina McCall, thus giving viewers a chance to see what she gets up to when she’s not fronting Big Brother. As the country’s last celebrity not already approached to go into the house (Gary Glitter was out), McCall was the obvious choice.

And what next for the Big Brother team? The show is due to end and Big Brother’s production team are wondering what to do with their lives.

Anorak

Posted: 23rd, December 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

100 Great Pop Music Photos Of The Decade: Part 2

PART 2 of our decade in pop music photos, with Michael Jackson, Take That, Oasis, Madonna, Amy Winehouse, Britney Spears, Susan Boyle, Rihanna and more… In no particular order: 100 Great Pop Music Photos Of The Decade: Part 1

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Michael Jackson's daughter Paris Michael Katherine (center) is comforted by family members at a memorial service for the music legend at the Staples Center in Los Angeles, California, Tuesday, July 7, 2009. MCT/POOL /Landov

Anorak

Posted: 23rd, December 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment

100 Great Pop Music Photos Of The Decade: Part 1

THE decade in pop music photos,with Amy Winehouse, Michael Jackson, Radiohead, Girls Aloud, Will Young, Gareth Gates, Pop Idol. Madonna, Britney Spears, Pete Doherty, Bono, U2, The Black Eyed Peas and more. In no particular order:

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Babyshambles front man Pete Doherty leaves Thames Magistrates court after admitting possession of heroin, crack cocaine, morphine and cannabis in east London, Friday January 20 2006. He was earlier charged after answering bail at Stoke Newington police station in northeast London this morning following his arrest on December 4. See PA Story COURTS Doherty. PRESS ASSOCIATION Photo. Photo credit should read: Cathal McNaughton/PA

Anorak

Posted: 23rd, December 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)

Peter Andre’s First Christmas Alone And Katie Price’s Gift

PETER Andre is on the cover of this week’s OK! and he’s pulling a cracker. Ho-ho. No, Peter isn’t with an insignificant other. Peter is pulling a cracker – a silver one with his children Junior Peter Andre and Princess Tianabananaramaminimi. This is “OUR FIRST CHRISTMAS ALONE”.

Just Peter. The kidzzzz. And the OK! photographers and syrup miners.

We meet Peter dabbled with snow and cuddling his progeny before a wooden door. It looks like a barn in Bethlehem. Although it might be a garage in Sussex? Peter Andre is ever keen to show us his children. It’s almost as if he expects someone to make him an offer for them. (“I’ll give you £350 for the mini Junior and a year’s subscription to Hare & Hounds for the girl. Deal?”)

Anorak

Posted: 23rd, December 2009 | In: OK! | Comment

Dancing On Ice Atack: Armed Heather Mills In Fight To The Death

MORE Dancing On Ice news as the Daily Star delivers “MACCA V MUCCA – Couple go to war on telly dance show”

THE vicious family feud between ice queen Heather Mills and Sir Paul McCartney is to re-ignite live on telly.

Lady Mucca is armed with a blade on the end of a detachable leg. She’s Rosa Klebb in sequins and spandex. Against her stands Paul McCartney, who with his bobbling head is presents a moving target. Who wins?

One-legged Heather, 41, will face off against the singer’s cousin in Dancing On Ice. Insiders say blonde bombshell Emily Atack, 20, wants to be the ranting model’s “worst nightmare” on the rink.

Anorak

Posted: 23rd, December 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Brittany Murphy, Simon Monjack, Drugs And Lindsay Lohan: In Pictures

BRITTANY Murphy has died and the papers are filling in the space between news of what drugs were or were not in her system by destroying Simon Monjack, her grieving husband..

BRITTANY Murphy has died and the deckchairs on the Hollywood ship are rearranged to make room for Lindsay Lohan. Thanks to Twitter, we all have a direct conduit to the celebrity mourner. Says Lindsay Lohan:

“My deepest condolences go out to all of Brittany Murphy’s loved ones and may she rest in peace. … She was a great talent w/a beautiful soul xo.”

The part about the soul is mawkish. But Lohan does as expected. Nothing reminds the world that you are alive better than one of your peers dying. So enjoy these self-published pictures of Lohan on the beach.

In pictures: Brittany Murphy (1977-2009)

Meanwhile, the Sun lists on its front page the drugs found in Murphy’s home. Don’t bother working out what they are (you can read the details on the labels in your own bathroom cabinet later), just know that it is a:

“PRESCRIPTION FOR DEATH”

Anorak

Posted: 23rd, December 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment

The FBI Files On Michael Jackson: Stalkers, Terrorists And The Best Bits Not Redacted

WANT to know what the FBI thought of Michael Joseph Jackson? The FBI has released the files on the dead singer. Well, those files it wants you to see.

The Most Controversial Michael Jackson Pictures

Jackson is “a celebrity pop star, was born on August 29, 1958. He died unexpectedly on June 25, 2009 at the age of 50.”

The second thing on his file is:

Between 1993 and 1994 and separately between 2004 and 2005, Mr. Jackson was investigated by California law enforcement agencies for possible child molestation. He was acquitted of all such charges.

Anorak

Posted: 22nd, December 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment

Brittany Murphy Is Dead And The Media Destroys Her Name

BRITTANY Murphy has passed away. The talented actress died age 32. The coroner reports that Murphy died of “natural causes”. End of story. A sad end. Right. Right? It’s only just beginning. The media gets to work on speculating:

The actress’s rep, Nicole Perna, said in a statement Sunday afternoon, “In this time of sadness, the family thanks you for your love and support. It is their wish that you respect their privacy.”

In pictures: Brittany Murphy (1977-2009)

So here’s the Times:

Brittany Murphy ‘was on prescription drugs’

Anorak

Posted: 22nd, December 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (35)

Dancing On Ice: Heather Mills’ And Other Stars Of Casualty

DANCING On Ice is to the reality TV schedules what American Football is to British sports fans: you know it exists but it’s best ignored.

On this year’s show:

Danniella Westbrook (I’m a Celebrity; Get Me Out of Here!) landing face first in a rink of powdered white crystals

Anorak

Posted: 22nd, December 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)