Royal Family Category

The Royal Family, the House of Windsor, in the news and on a horse

Prince Harry Close To Mystery Gunman

PRINCE Harry shoots to kill. This much is certain. And he can take a shot or several in the course of his duty, notably of sambuca, tequila and a yellowy-white substance known as The Socialite’s Chest.

And, as the Guardian’s front-page headline tells us: “Prince Harry quizzed by police about shooting of rare birds.” More shooting.

We journey to the royal family’s Sandringham estate. The prince is on manoeuvres with young Van Cutsem, of the Older Van Cutsems. Two hen harriers, protected birds, are in flight. And then – Bang! Bang – they are not.

The birds are protected by rule of law and anyone caught killing one faces a six-month prison sentence or satisfying a £5,000 fine.

Harry and Young Van Cutsem have been interviewed by police. A spokesperson for Clarence House informs us: “Unfortunately, they’ve no knowledge of the incident.”

And we, like you, are alarmed.

Can it be that on a royal estate there is an armed presence taking pot shots at birds and getting his eye in on who knows what else?

Can it be that person or persons unknown have bypassed the maximum security, the cauldron of minders and militia, the wire traps and the squadron of white Fiat Unos that protect the Windsors to take out two in-flight birds?

Can it be that Harry and Young Van Cutsem – said to be “the only people known to have been shooting on the estate” at the time – were in such obvious peril?

The matter must be investigated to the full. We demand an inquiry. We demand that Prince Harry Baseball cap and his consorts be protected…

Pic: The Spine 

Posted: 31st, October 2007 | In: Broadsheets, Royal Family | Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Heather Mills Is Princess Diana Is Kate McCann: Is Blonde

HEATHER Mills is on GMTV. Anorak is tuned in, as ever. Heather is not extolling the virtues of baby oil and organic breast milk but lamenting.

“I live in a prison,” says Heather. Not really. Heather is guilty of nothing but love. But there has been a miscarriage of justice that keeps Heather locked behind gates at her mansion.

What is more, Heather is blonde. Like Kate McCann. Like Princess Diana. “It’s like what they are doing to the McCanns,” says Mills. “What are they doing persecuting that woman? Look what they did to Diana.”

Indeed. “The police have said I’ve had death threats from a certain underground group.” The Establishment? Earthworms Against Heather? Al Qaeda? “I live in fear for my life,” says Heather.

But she is prepared. “I have a box of evidence which is going to a certain person if something happens to me,” says Heather, who is not believed to be dating the son of an Egyptian corner shop owner.

As Paul Burrell checks his post, the rest of us wonder about the lot of a blonde in today’s Britain.

There is a media conspiracy against her kind. “What are we doing as a nation buying these newspapers?” she asks. “We need to force a change as a responsible nation.”

“They make up such lies. They’ve called me a whore, a golddigger, a fantasist, a liar, the most unbelievably hurtful things – and I’ve stayed quiet for my daughter…

“I’ve had worse press than a paedophile or a murderer, and I’ve done nothing but charity for 20 years.”

Indeed, what else but charity caused Heather to campaign against landmines, date and then marry the older Paul, with his bobbling head, and beseech him to give, give, give until it hurts..?

Pic: The Spine “I’ve had worse press than a paedophile”

Posted: 31st, October 2007 | In: Madeleine McCann, Royal Family | Comments (48) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Royal Sex Video: Scotland Yard Questions

THE Royal sex video continues to make news in the Sun, where the blueblood at the centre of the allegations is being addressed by members of Scotland Yard.

The royal is said to “vehemently deny” the claims. “Met sources say they are ‘totally satisfied’ the allegation made on tape is untrue,” notes the Sun.

So we’ll have no more said about the matter. Unless you read the Mail and learn of the Italian newspaper that has published a picture of the royal (clothed and decent, we are all but certain) and the legend: “Sex and coke at Buckingham Palace.”

The Italians should know that Buckingham Palace is but the Queen’s main London residence and if a royal were to engage in acts of gay sex and drug taking – which they do not – the words could just as easily read “Sex and coke at Clarence House”, “Sex and coke at St James’s Palace”, or “Sex and coke in darkened corner in the Royal Mews, ask for ‘Hugo’”.

“This is typical of the Italian media and serves not purpose,” says Giovanni Di Stefano, the lawyer acting on behalf of alleged blackmailer Ian Strachan.

Di Stefano says she has received numerous calls asking about the name of the alleged miscreant. Says he: “I asked them not to speculate as justice has to be done.”

And to search the internet like everyone else…

Pic: The Spine 

Posted: 31st, October 2007 | In: Royal Family, Tabloids | Comments (6) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Princess Diana Inquest Day 3653 AD (After Diana): Pap Sans Frontières

PRINCESS Diana is on the cover of the Daily Express. She is wearing a pair of pearl drop earring, a black dress and a look of disappointment and sadness.

The Express’s Diana masthead, that barometer of Diana’s mood, bodes unwell for news within.

And, indeed, inside readers learn that paparazzo Romuald Rat is said to have telephoned the Sun newspaper from within the Alma Tunnel and with Diana stricken and dying requested a £300,000 deal for pictures of the scene.

A Stephen Darmon, the snapper’s associate, says Rat was trying to stop the paparazzi reaching the car. He was helping Diana.

Indeed, it may have been that Rat hoped his pictures of a bloodied and prone Diana would be useful in assessing her condition and so getting her the right kind of medical treatment.

The gamble that the Sun’s picture editor, Ken Lennox, was also a trained medic was a long shot, but had it worked who knows what plaudits Rat would have attracted.

Posted: 31st, October 2007 | In: Royal Family, Tabloids | Comments (7) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Royal Fact Of The Day: On Viscount Linley

FUN FACT: According to his company website, “LINLEY has become known for its imaginative use of wood…”

Source

Posted: 30th, October 2007 | In: Royal Family | Comments (36) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Royal Sex Tape: Living Up To Her Majesty’s Standards

“ROYAL SEX VIDEO SENSATION,” announces the Mirror.

If only a copy of this video being given away with every paper. Instead, Mirror readers have to make do with a “FREE ladybird book” of Rapunzel, the Princess who lets down only her hair.

But what of the sex video? The alleged blackmailer is one Ian Strachan. He is accused of trying to extort £50,000 from a “minor royal”. He has been arrested with one Sean McGuigan. They will be tried at the Old Bailey.

All to the good. Justice will be seen to be done. Or not – blackmailing victims are often afforded anonymity and the media gagged.

But what of this video? It allegedly shows the royal’s aide chopping up cocaine with the assistance of a Harrods gold card.

The Mail has more front page “SECRETS OF THE ROYAL ‘BLACKMAIL’ TAPE”.

There are “LURID DETIALS”. There is “sex and drugs”. The aide is boasting of a “gay sex act” with the unnamed royal. The aide is allegedly seen removing cocaine from an envelope bearing the royal’s name

The Mail says there are “fears” the royal’s name may emerge abroad.

But Strachan’s lawyer, Giovanni di Stefano, who has represented Saddam Hussein and Ronnie Biggs, says “there is no tape of a sex act in existence”.

There is only a tape of an assistant to a member of the Royal Family taking cocaine and saying how they received a sex act from a royal. That is all. Di Stefano’s client denies blackmail.

Strachan, a “wealthy London clubber” (Sun), tells his brief that he has met Princes William and Harry. He has also met Lord Frederick Windsor.

So no tape. No blackmail. And even if there were a tape, it may not be up to much. As the Times notes: “The Queen once said it was hard for young royals to live up to her standards.”

Whatever can she have meant…?

Picture: The Spine 

Posted: 29th, October 2007 | In: Royal Family, Tabloids | Comments (25) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


The Princess And The Bea

“I’M not so royal now, am I!” says Princess Beatrice.

Another day and another chance for the Royal Family to show that beneath the taffeta and the lace, under the bridge work and ten paces to the left of the special constable they are but a blood transfusion away from being just plain rich.

As the Sunday Mirror reports, Beatrice has struck up an “unlikely friendship with pop princess Lily Allen”.

Readers learn that Beatrice Windsor has found cause to visits Allen’s East London home. She has drunk shots and danced around Lily’s living room.

A party-goer says: “Bea was great fun. Her and Lily were controlling the stereo and putting on the tunes – and leading the dancing. Bea was loving being in with the music crowd.”

And her she is giving full throat to the line: “I’m not so royal now, am I.” indeed, not, she has achieved the improbable and become still more royal. Beatrice Windsor is the length of a Nazi uniform away from being as royal as they come…

Posted: 28th, October 2007 | In: Celebrities, Royal Family, Tabloids | Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Royal Family Member ‘Stars In Sex And Drugs Movie’

“ROYAL in ‘sex and cocaine blackmail video plot’,” says the Mail.

Can it be that the campaign to make the Royal Family seem normal involves one of their number blackmailing a person or persons in order to gain sex and drugs?

They sit at the football; they embrace celebrity; they might be sent to the front line. The royals insist they move with the times. They are just like the rest of us. They make home movies. They turn to crime.

But our fears are ungrounded. It is the royal who is the alleged victim. It is they who called in police after allegedly being approached by two men back in August. The alleged felons demanded £50,000 not to publicise a video which they claimed showed the Royal engaged in a sex act.

The Mail informs us: “It is alleged he then said that he had a videotape showing an aide giving someone – who he suggested was the Royal – oral sex.”

Indeed, dear reader. Might it be that this sex tape is not such bad news; it enables the royals to move a step closer to solving the paradox – they rule by divine right but are just like the rest of us.

Broadcast and be damned. And if it is shaped like a unicorn, so much the better…

Posted: 28th, October 2007 | In: Royal Family, Tabloids | Comments (22) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Princess Diana’s Last Line Contest

PRINCESS Diana is wearing pearl-drop earrings on the cover of the Express. She is illustrated by the headline: “DIANA – mystery of the elegant tall man in death tunnel.”

Inside and it’s the: “Riddle of the tall and elegant man.”

Jacques Morel is addressing the inquest. Yesterday we learnt that Morel had once seen a moustachioed, burly man wearing cowboy boots. Today Morel sees a “tall, elegant man”.

Morel sees more men than Princess Diana ever did.

“The people have to know the truth,” says Morel. “The real truth. People have the right to know and the children of Princess Diana have the right to know.” All five of them. (Read about that in my new book Diana On Althorp Island.)

Morel speaks, and makes ready to write his book. And the Mail sees a Damien Dalby take the stand. He says Diana was trying to speak. “Why didn’t they ask Evans,” she mumbles.”

No, not really. Or maybe… For now, we hear that as Diana lay broken in the car she uttered: “Oh my God, oh my God.”

These are Diana’s “last words as she lay dying in wreckage of her car”.

Sober. But can it be? And will it be allowed to be? What of a better last line, such as “Am I dying or is this my birthday?”, “I am ready to die for my Lord, that in my blood the Church may obtain liberty and peace”, and “Don’t let poor Nelly starve”?

If there is to be an official last utterance, make it a memorable one, something proud and more poignant than the noise made by Rachel from Friends gasping at a stain on her pencil skirt.

Suggestions for fitting last lines, if you please…

Posted: 26th, October 2007 | In: Royal Family, Tabloids | Comments (33) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Princess Diana Inquest Day 3647 AD (After Diana): Morel’s Chestnut

“PRINCESS Diana and Dodi Fayed were killed by the secret service – because a man in cowboy boots was in the Paris tunnel when they died.”

“DI COWBOY PLOT,” says the Sun’s headline.

Jacques Morel is addressing the High Court. (Wait your turn; they’ll get to you.)

Morel is a music writer. He has yet to pen a tune about Diana, but let us not rule it out. For now he plans only a book. The Princess inspires each of us in different ways, some write books, some write police reports, some write Daily Express headlines.

For an idea what shape the libretto ‘One Saint In Three Acts’ may take, Mr Morel describes seeing a man stood some place unspecified wearing cowboy boots. On his feet. The man is “about 30, solid build, with a moustache… a bit like a beer drinker in Ireland.”

Mr Morel distinctly recalls this man because he stood on his boots. We have not visited many Irish clubs and pubs and cannot say for certain if the foot stand is an approved move, a summons to gentlemanly action in the conveniences. Mr Morel’s view of the typical Irishman has perhaps been shaped news of Dublin’s Rainbow Café Lounge, Pogue Mahone Saunal” and the Up For The Craic cabaret show.
Mr Morel is French…

Posted: 25th, October 2007 | In: Royal Family, Tabloids | Comments (5) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Princess Diana IS Dead…Hurry Up

A RAISED voice at the Pricness Diana Inquest: “’SHE’S DEAD HURRY UP…’”

No rush, you might suppose. We’ve had ten years to catch up with events on that fate-filled night in Paris. Another decade won’t matter. We need to gather all the evidence. Hear all views. We need to be certain.
And on the Express: “Diana inquest hears sensational evidence.” Diana is not smiling today. Her teeth are bared and she wears generous pearl earrings with matching choker. As Anorak readers know, Diana’s expression is changeable, a barometer that reflects the Express’s news within.

Inside, Diana is smiling once more. Says the paper: “Photographer at Diana crash yelled to partner ‘She’s dead, hurry up’.”

Yannick Chenna is a motorist at the scene. He sees he saw photographer Romauld Rat get off a mortobike and open the car door. Rat runs to his partner and offers the command “She’s is dead, hurry up.

American tourist Brian Anderson is now talking. He sees a “significant flash of light”.

But it fades too quickly. And we continue to look for the truth…

Pic: The Spine –  Click the picture for the full, er, picture

Posted: 24th, October 2007 | In: Royal Family, Tabloids | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Princess Diana Inquest Day 3645 AD (After Diana): Where Paparazzi Dare

“WE have had this so many times before,” says Richard Westwood-Brookes, the auctioneer. “Unfortunately we seem to be in a culture these days when somebody somewhere has always got to find whatever you do as offensive or bad timing.”

It is Day 13 of the Princess Diana Inquest and news is that a Spitting Image puppet of Diana Of The Immaculate Appearance is to go under the hammer.

The Times has resisted all urges to place the puppet at the scene of the fatal crash, although it does, as ever, show the mangled remains of Diana’s car.

In London, a new witness is taking the stand. He is Grigori Rassinier, a French motorist who had been travelling the other way when Diana’s car crashed.

More testimony from Sarah Culpepper, a holidaying Briton, and from Amel Samel, a motorist. There is smoke. A bang. Death. The truth seems all too clear.

And then in the Express, there is a “Mystery man spotted in death tunnel”. Front-page news. It is the “Riddle of motorbike that dodged Diana’s crash in tunnel”.

Rassinier sees this bike swerve to avoid the crash. The driver was, her thinks, dressed in beige. Yes, beige. In Paris. Sensation.

Rassinier does not stop his car. Ms Samel does not stop. A Mrs Joanna Da Costa, an American tourist, does not enter the tunnel. She “fled terrified from the scene”.
When the celebrity princess was in need, the paparazzi and not the people went in.

You protect your own…

Posted: 23rd, October 2007 | In: Royal Family | Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Prince Harry Touches Down And Drops Shorts

A FEW days since Paris and people are still talking about the big game. “Rugby…” they say. “What rugby?”

The Telegraph looks on as the England team up their game and the team’s Matt Stevens has his shorts pulled down.

“Wear jogging bottoms and T-shirts, the players looked cheerful and relaxed after touching down,” says the paper. Heathrow Airport staff on duty at the time cheer. The duty cameraman takes a picture.

But will it be enough? Will we all be doing “The Matt”? Will the lads secure contracts to appear in TV adverts, laughing loud as Matt loses his shorts in a pizza chain; Matt drops his shorts in Curry’s; Matt drops Anorak’s new range of Comfi Shortz to his knees in the offices of a debt consolidation company’s call centre?

And where does Prince Harry, that Jonny Wilkinson among men, figure in rugby’s marketing drive? There’s Harry Baseball Cap leaving the England plane, his eponymous hat pulled down over his patriotic hair and skin tones.

Did he pull down Matt’s shorts? And will we in pubs and clubs be doing “The Harry?”

Posted: 23rd, October 2007 | In: Back pages, Royal Family | Comments (5) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Prince Harry And Prince William Plastered In Paris

CHIN up, England. Chin-chin Prince Harry. There is Harry, that Jonny Wilkinson among men, having vodka poured own his neck at the post-World Cup final party.

“SWIG LOW,” says the Mirror’s front-page headline. “EXCLUSIVE: Wills and Harry on bender with England rugby heroes.”

There are Wills and Harry on the Mail’s cover, where things are still more exclusive with Wills pouring champagne into a tulip glass.

“Plastered in Paris with Wills & Harry,” says the Mail. Harry hugs Laurence Dallaglio. Wills commiserates with Mike Catt. “Very bad luck,” says Wills. “You played extremely well and showed tremendous spirit.”

And the party moves on from the team’s hotel to L’Etoile – “France’s answer to Boujis”.

The Express has more pictures, less exclusive than any of those shown in the Mail or Mirror, with Matthew Tait allowed to remove his shirt and Jonny Wilkinson planting a kiss on his blonde lover’s cheek.

“Let your heir down lads,” says the Sun. And the Telegraph looks back at the game’s key moments, seeing Wills preparing to drop kick a water bottle on the Paris turf.
But there is no time to look back. Onwards! Wills and Harry are needed. The Brazilian Grand Prix is on.

Come on, Harry! Come on, Wills. Tally ho! Your country needs you…

Posted: 23rd, October 2007 | In: Royal Family | Comments (4) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Rugby World Cup Final: Prince Harry’s Hard Yards

“THE final heartbreak,” says the Observer’s cover. “England’s World Cup dream left in tatters,” echoes the Express.

And the Sunday Times leads with “Brave England battle to battling Boks”. And courageous Wales.

There on the cover page of that paper is the picture that tells the story. They went. They gave it their all. But Princes Harry and Prince William could not make it through. Sure, they put in the hard yards, made sacrifices – getting to Paris would mean forgoing a soiree at Boujis. But it was for nought.

Reactions to defeat:

“They did fantastically well getting into the final – but in days to come, they’ll reflect on what they’ve done and be really proud of themselves” – England coach and royalist Brian Ashton

“You can’t fault the effort, can’t fault the heart. Such a shame when all the heart and spirit counts for nothing…Immensely disappointing” – England flanker and Mahiki Club guest pass holder Martin Corry

“So proud of all the guys who have supported us” – Jonny Wilkinson speaks on behalf of the Princes

“It’s a fuc*in’ conspiracy ” – Mohamed al Fayed on that disallowed try

More to follow…

Posted: 21st, October 2007 | In: Back pages, Royal Family | Comments (7) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Princess Beatrice Rocks Fashion: This Year’s Sarah Ferguson

THE Daily Mail is at the Fashion Rocks do; or at least sat outside in a bottle green Rover 75 clacking its marmalade coated tongue and taking pictures of the young and the tarty for illustrative purposes.

While the prints are being processed in its home dark room under the stair, the paper cocks an ear toward Princess Beatrice and hears her say: “I love it but I keep on having to lift it off the floor and pull the bodice up.”

The Mail stares. The pictures are ready. And readers get to see Princess Beatrice “revealing rather more décolletage than royal protocol might allow”.

Keen-eyed readers who can stand to look may wonder if this is Princess Beatrice or her mother, Sarah Ferguson, whose wont it is to hang out with her best friend/daughter while dressed in similar if not altogether complementary fashions.

To confess, we cannot be sure. The more we look the less we know. Is it Beatrice? Or is it Sarah? Your votes on the matter, if you please…

The Fergie-Beas

Posted: 20th, October 2007 | In: Royal Family, Tabloids | Comments (18) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Princess Diana Inquest: The Ring Of Truth

“THE PROOF DIANA WAS GETTING ENGAGED?” The Mail is at the Diana inquest and experiences a “sensational new twist”.

Was the £11,600 knuckleduster Dodi Fayed bought meant as an engagement ring, what the receipt FROM Alberto Repossi’s Paris jewellers terms a “bague financaille”? The jurors look on as Dodi purchases the jewel of the Dis-moi oui – ‘Tell me yes’ – range.

The paper calls it the “Riddle of the diamond ring”. And indeed it is a puzzle. Why would the son of a billionaire buy a ring costing just £11,000 for his celebrity lover?

Words like “riddle” and “sensation” are tabloid currency with a value right up there with Turkish lira. But here they have real worth. Was this really what Dodi Fayed was going to give Diana?

Or was it just a token, make-do trinket until the real rock could be excavated and shined?

And if he just wanted any old ring, why not have a Celtic Cross Ring dispatched from his father corner shop at a cost of £139 plus postage and package?

Riddle. Sensation. Both.

Posted: 19th, October 2007 | In: Royal Family, Tabloids | Comments (32) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Princess Diana Inquest Day 3640 AD (After Diana): An Announcement

“DIANA was about to announce her pregnancy or engagement,” says the Express’s front page.

Readers tutored in the way of society’s upper echelons will wonder why such an announcement was not made first in the Telegraph’s Court Circular page.

(Today’s highlight’s thereon include bulletins that Surgeon Captain David Swain has been “received by Her Majesty” upon relinquishing his appointment as Medical Officer to The Queen abroad and others who “were received in audience by The Queen and kissed hands upon their appointment”.)

Instead, we hear the news via Thierry Orban, a “photo-reporter”. He tells the Diana inquest of a call received from his duty chief editor Guillaume Vallabreque. Says M. Orban: “He told me that there was a rumour of an announcement that Diana was getting married or having a baby and he asked me to go to the Ritz and take a few photos of Diana with Dodi Al Fayed.”
A rumour? We should not be dismissive. Great stories are often based on a nod and a wink. Indeed, the Express has been for a decade running a story that Diana was possibly killed by The Establishment…

Pic: Beau Bo D’Or 

Posted: 18th, October 2007 | In: Royal Family, Tabloids | Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Harry’s Game: Prince Harry Decides On England’s National Sport

WILL it be rugby union or football? The English national game is a matter of no small importance.

Rugby has its plusses: England win; and England should never lose to Germany on penalties, chiefly because Jonny Wilkinson is allowed to take all spot kicks.

On the negatives, you can’t play rugby easily, and certainly not against a Waiters XV on a Mediterranean beach, nor on the school playground, where less the tackling and more the falling mouth-first onto the crumbling tarmac is liable to hurt.

Which way to go? We could toss for it. But better yet let’s see which way our greatest scoring icon falls. What will Prince Harry do?

Harry, that Wilkinson among men, is, as the Telegraph reports, expected to join thousands of England fans at Saturday’s World Cup final.

So rugby it is.

However, as the Telegraph notes: “But speculation was growing yesterday over whether his South African-based girlfriend, Chelsy Davy, will be with him.”

If rugby is to surpass football as the sport of choice, it is imperative the girlfriend takes her rightful place at her rugger mad boyfriend’s side.

As the paper notes: “Last Saturday — Miss Davy’s 22nd birthday — rugby-mad Prince Harry was in Paris for the England team’s nail-biting victory over the World Cup hosts.”

Once absence looks like an accident, twice sounds the death knell for rugby’s lofty ambitions.

The very real fear is that should South Africa-based Chelsy not journey to Paris, rugby will never full replace football as the nation’s No. 1 sport, and be seen as an incidental matter, a game played by boys who grew up unable to control a football, or their girlfriends…

Posted: 17th, October 2007 | In: Royal Family | Comments (5) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Her Majesty The Queen Leaves Romsey Flushed With History

HER Majesty’s throne is the subject of much debate. And the Mirror seems outraged that Her Majesty has decided against using the one on offer at the town hall in Romsey, Hants.

The Queen was on a visit to the locale and it was hoped that she would make full use of the facilities, particularly the town hall’s new indoor flushing toilet, installed at cost of £5,000.

Says “angry” town hall clerk Judith Giles: “I told Palace officials the toilets were not pristine but they were clean. They said, ‘You will have to replace it.’ There was no argument.”

“Wee are not amused,” says the Express. The Queen’s three-hour trip to mark the 400th anniversary of the town’s royal charter was the biggest thing to hit Romsey in years.

And the arrival of the new toilet was nothing if not newsworthy, placing the ceramic lid on an historic occasion.

That Her Majesty did not use it should not cast a shadow over events. Good Queen Bess leaves the toilet behind her as gift to the people of that parish.

That they might come and marvel…

Posted: 17th, October 2007 | In: Royal Family, Tabloids | Comments (4) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Princess Diana Inquest Day 3638 AD (After Diana): Do You See The Light?

DIANA Inquest: Anorak’s round-up of the Princess Diana Inquest in the tabloids

DAILY MIRROR front page: “I SAW TWO DIANA HITMEN – Amazing claim at inquest”

Francois Levistre claims a “white flash” was directed at Diana’s Mercedes by two men on a motorbike

As organised hits go, death by blinding flash has it risks. But Levistre is certain. So why did he not get out of his car to help those trapped in the resultant wreckage? “Fear,” says he, “…I thought they were hitmen. We thought the two cyclists had come to kill the people in the car”

The two men got of their bike. They looked into th car window. They left

Pagers 4 and 5: “KILLED IN A FLASH” – Mr Levistre sees a white car enter the tunnel. It does not hit the Mercedes

DAILY EXPRESS front page: “DIANA SENSATION – I SAW ‘HITMAN’ CAUSE CRASH’. Witness Tells how intense flash of light looked like work of professional killer”

No need to guns, poison and a vial of the polonium 210

“The light was if you are caught by police radar,” says the witness. “The light was very powerful. It came into my car. The light was not direct towards me, it was directed towards the car which was behind”

A halo of light?

“Her car ‘bumped another in tunnel’” – Jean-Claude Catheline and wife Annick see two cars enter the Alma Tunnel. One is Diana’s. One is a big black car

DAILY MAIL front page: “Diana and blinding flash in the tunnel”

What is that light at the end of the tunnel?

Page 17: “Bright light flashed at Diana’s car before crash, says witness” – Mr Levistre has given “several different accounts of the incident, the court was told”. He was once held by police in an alleged plot to sell a child (case dismissed). He has been in jail for possessing an illegal weapon

Jean-Claude Catheline recalls seeing Diana’s car entering the tunnel at speed. He turns to the people he was with and says “what an idiot”. The Mercedes was going “so fast”

DAILY STAR page 20: “I FEARED ‘HITMEN’ CAUSED DID CRASH”

THE SUN PAGE 7: “I SAW A WHITE FLASH FORM THE MOTORBIKE IN FRONT OF TH CAR”

“LIMO DRIVER WAS IDIOT”

More to follow…

Posted: 16th, October 2007 | In: Royal Family, Tabloids | Comments (7) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Kate Middleton Shoots For The Hip

KATE Middleton, gelfriend to Prince William, is wearing a trouser suit in a green and black motif with matching knee boots.

The Mirror looks on. And it finds Kate hard to spot. No sooner has Kate Middleton pulled on the ensemble then everyone’s wearing it.

“THEY’RE ALL THE BLOODY SAME,” says the Mirror.

And: “There you were believing Kate Middleton was worlds apart from the arrogant royals she now mixes with.” Yeah, the millionaire’s daughter from Berkshire had us fooled.

“But with the crack of a rifle the 25-year-old’s image of an everyday girl who loves animals is blown away as she joins in a cruel stag hunt at Balmoral.” A so-called stalk.

Kate is said to work at “anti-fur fashion chain Jigsaw”. We have delved into the world of animal pelts and find that Stag do not have fur. And then the Stag Kate is shooting at is made of metal.

But, as the Mail reports, she remains under fire from the animal lobby.

A spokesperson for People for Ethical Treatment of Animals says: “It is abhorrent that she is engaging in blood sports. Kate is obviously trying to endear herself to the Royal Family, which is absolutely appalling.”

Indeed it is. Who’d be friends with them.

As such, PETA may well be tempted to approve the use of firearms against the Royals. But the Windsors are clad in so much protective fur that to shoot them would be an act of unimaginable cruelty.

For this reason, it may be that Kate’s fashion will have to change…

Posted: 15th, October 2007 | In: Royal Family | Comments (15) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Princess Diana Inquest Day 3637 AD (After Diana): The Intruder

“DIANA death: The mystery man ejected from the Ritz,” announces the Express.

We would speculate on the identity of this mystery caller, and wonder what Prince Charles was up to the on the day in question and if this was a desperate bid to reconcile with Diana.

Reading on we learn that Jean Paul, father to Henri Paul, says he can shed light on the “missing” 8 1/2 minutes, when his boy was incommunicado.

“Henri has someone ejected because they were not behaving. This was not a customer. He was a curieux (nosy parker). It was Henri’s job to have him ejected.”

It was a man… Someone interested in looking within the hotel… Someone who took up to eight-and-a-half minutes of Henri’s time…

Says Mr Paul in the Star: “In my heart there is a flame of hope that, one day, the truth will come out. And it could spell the ruination of Great Britain.”

Tough words. But too late. We commend to Mr Paul’s attention the Daily Mail and the death of Diana and would have him know that Britain is already ruined.

(Whether the Frenchman’s prediction was uttered before the weekend’s rugby semi-final is uncertain and cloaked in mystery.)

Posted: 15th, October 2007 | In: Royal Family | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Prince Harry Is A Jonny Wilkinson Among Men

DID you see him when the ball sailed over the posts? You can bet he had a few liveners that night.

For those of you who didn’t catch his reaction to that kick and that England rugby win in that city, the Mirror leads with a shot of Prince Harry punching the air with delight.

“WE DID IT!” says the Mirror. “Harry and pals go wild.”

“GET STUCK IN,” says the caption above the picture of Harry as he “urges the team on”.

“HAIR WE GO”, says another shot, as Harry has his hair ruffled by another Englander in official kit.

There’s Harry in the Express. Four pictures of Harry in the Telegraph, showing the young hero’s movements from pain, through to despondency to elation.

“ROYAL MASCOT,” says the Sun, a little cruelly. Harry might not be the biggest, but “’Lucky’ Harry will cheer us to sweet revenge on Boks”.

“Harry, 23, will be at the Paris final hoping for a repeat of four years ago, when he famously roared on our winners in Australia…”

“I haven’t been so excited since Sydney 2003,” says Harry, with no hint of a dig at girlfriend Chelsy Davy.

“Happy as Harry,” says the Mail. And we all give good heart and full throat to our hero, Prince Harry – a Jonny Wilkinson among men…

Posted: 15th, October 2007 | In: Royal Family | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Princess Diana Inquest Day 3635 AD (After Diana): Dr Hasnat Khan

“WHY am I not at Diana inquest?” asks the Sun’s headline. It’s a question each of us asks ourselves.

But before it is your turn to speak, the Sun hears from Dr Hasnat Khan. He had a two-year affair with Diana. It ended only three months before her death in 1997. The Sun says the couple “shared nights of passion at his bachelor flat in Chelsea and inside Kensington Palace”.

He is “Princess Diana’s heart surgeon lover” and yesterday he “broke his ten-year silence”.

He’s been silent for a decade? One images, struck dumb by so much pain. Says he: “I am not a legal man so I don’t know a lot about these things, but I was surprised that nobody called me. I would have attended if I had been asked.”

So he wants to speak. He does not need permission. Ours is a free nation, a bastion of free speech. Speak out. Give full throat to your news.

Says he: “We’ve all moved on.”

She was pregnant by you?

“The whole matter has been unfortunate and tragic for many people who were involved.”

She was going to finish with Dodi and marry you?

“I want to get away from all of this.”

We hear you. ‘Nuff said.

More to follow…

Posted: 13th, October 2007 | In: Royal Family, Tabloids | Comments (9) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


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