The Sky Is Falling In!

THE sky is falling down! The sky is falling down! Either that or the North Koreans are attacking, firing spiked green warheads at us. It’s “conker bonkers”, says the Express. … (read more)

Posted: 10th, October 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Simon Commands

“SIMON FIXED IT FOR ME,” says the front page of the Star. Now then, now then what do we have here? Simon Cowell has fixed it for someone to walk … (read more)

Posted: 10th, October 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Countdown To Armageddon

WHEN Richard Whitely took one from the top and the big Countdown Clock called time on his career, Des Lynam slipped his feet into some Comfi Slippers and took over … (read more)

Posted: 10th, October 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Whipping Up Interest

Goodbye (Yellow) Bricks & Mortar The cottage in Ealby, near Market Rasen, Lincolnshire, where Elton John and Bernie Taupin wrote some of their biggest hits, is on the market for … (read more)

Posted: 10th, October 2006 | In: Royal Family | Comment

Lady (In Red) Fingers

“I KNOW the tabloids will get excited by this so I try to play it down," says Chris de Burgh. And we thank him for trying. If there is one … (read more)

Posted: 10th, October 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Macca Attack

LOVE does not come with a manual. When you meet someone they arrive in your life as a blank page. Sure, they will form a vital chapter in your autobiography … (read more)

Posted: 9th, October 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Reade & Right

“THE HOODIES TORIES WANT US ALL TO HUG,” says the headline above a picture on Brian Reade’s page in the Mirror. Brian – who appears at the top of his … (read more)

Posted: 9th, October 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Tally-Ban Harry!

THOUGH armed with regulation British Army issue non-firing gun and melting boots, Prince Harry might not be allowed to serve in Afghanistan. Harry, affectionately known as Harry Baseball Cap, will … (read more)

Posted: 9th, October 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

New Ways To Die

EVERY day of every week the Mail thinks up imaginative ways to remind you that life is cruel and you are going to experience pain and die. And if it … (read more)

Posted: 9th, October 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Muslims For Transvestites

“SUSPECT in veil hunt used veil to evade arrest.” It Nuns On The Run, only with Muslims. The Times’ front-page headline is followed hot-on-the-heels by news that a male suspect … (read more)

Posted: 9th, October 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

King Henry

THE Society for the Protection of Traditional Archery (SPOTA) has been conducting tests at the MoD Defence Academy. On the day we learn that North Korea is firing ozone-depleting nuclear … (read more)

Posted: 9th, October 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Bloody Darkies

MEET John Lucas Preston. He was born in Britain in 1970 and grew up in Leeds. At the age of 18, he visited Pakistan… and since then he has been … (read more)

Posted: 8th, October 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment

Annie Get Your Mum

NOT since Annie made ginger kids fashionable have orphans had it so good. Angelina Jolie’s got two, Madonna’s getting one and now we read in the Enquirer that Bruce Willis … (read more)

Posted: 8th, October 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment (1)

Angelina Jolie & Brad Pitt Follow Jen Into Therpay

NEXT month Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt head to India for work on their new film about murdered reporter Daniel Pearl. And India is being made ready for their arrival. … (read more)

Posted: 6th, October 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment

Paying The Penalty

“CAN we have our ball back police?!” The Mirror focuses on Angela Hickling, 56. Angela has been arrested, and, consequentially, had her fingerprints and DNA taken. Officers have searched her … (read more)

Posted: 6th, October 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Jade Goody Makes It Big

WE imagine it was never Jade Goody’s dream to have the epithet “big”. Jade would surely prefer to be “sexy Jade”, “juicy Jade” or even “kebabalicious Jade”. “Big” is just … (read more)

Posted: 6th, October 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Reality TV Contestants: Where Are They Now?

WHEN in the fullness of time Anorak is called upon by Channel 4 to nod its head and deliver its verdict on The Top 100 Celebrities of 2006, we will … (read more)

Posted: 6th, October 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment

Seeing The Light

BARELY a week into his world tour, and George Michael had made it about a mile from his Highgate home. “GEORGE IN 999 DOPE DASH,” announced the front page of … (read more)

Posted: 6th, October 2006 | In: Broadsheets | Comment

Rivers Of Blood

“TAKE OFF YOUR VEIL, STRAW TELLS MUSLIM WOMEN.” That’s the Mail’s front page, and it’s a theme taken up by all the other papers. Of course, Jack Straw, the Foreign … (read more)

Posted: 6th, October 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Friel Free

WHERE America leads, we Brits are destined to follow. Whether it be nylons, rock ‘n’ roll or soap operas, America invents movements in popular culture and we Brits import them. … (read more)

Posted: 6th, October 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

The Directors Cut

Iran The Space Race Anousheh Ansari, 40, took off for a 10-day trip to the International Space Station from a site in Kazakhstan. Iranian born Anousheh, who now lives in … (read more)

Posted: 6th, October 2006 | In: Royal Family | Comment

Madonna’s Adopt Idol

HOW did Madonna go about finding an African toddler to adopt? The Mail leads with this news of the singer’s successful search for a child. A source tells the paper … (read more)

Posted: 5th, October 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Shag & Tell

IT’S been a year since Jordan and Peter Andre exchanged “I dos” and things have moved on. The thousands of Swarvoski crystals that adorned Jordan’s 3m-wide dress have been turned … (read more)

Posted: 5th, October 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment

The French Conkerers

“CONKERS is like rugby,” says Stephane Jally, chairman of La Fédération Française de Conkers. “The British invented it but we do it better.” Like le sandwich, le Macintosh and le … (read more)

Posted: 5th, October 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Basha Of The Yard

“COP OUT,” screams the Sun’s front page. “Muslim PC is excused duty at Israel embassy…on ‘moral grounds’.” Inside, rent-a-yell former policeman, ex-Flying Squad commander John O’Connor, sees disaster ahead. “This … (read more)

Posted: 5th, October 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

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