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When Jade Goody Attacks

“FIERY” Jade Goody left cheating boyfriend Jack Tweedy scarred and bleeding after catching him with a glamour model.” It’s the Star’s front–page shocker. “JADE SCARES LOVE CHEAT JACK,” screams the … (read more)

Posted: 23rd, October 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Rupert The Hoodie

AS if being called Rupert was not bad enough, carriers of the name contend with having their moniker associated with a mumsy bear who wears yellow checked trousers, a matching … (read more)

Posted: 23rd, October 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Madonna Latest Twist

“I NEVER said she could adopt my baby boy,” says Davie Banda’s dad Yohane. Labelled “THE DAD” by the Mirror, the paper tunes into Malawi TV and hear Yohane tell … (read more)

Posted: 23rd, October 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Old Father Hubbard

YOU join us at the haberdashery counter at a major London department store where followers of the Kabbalah movement are demanding their money back. Clutching their red string and demanding … (read more)

Posted: 23rd, October 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Richard Hammond’s Horror

WHEN Richard Hammond attempted to drive from Elvington airfield, near York, to Australia the hard way, the papers looked on with furrowed brows. Would Richard make it? Would Top Gear, … (read more)

Posted: 23rd, October 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Jermain Defoe Passes On Lasagna

“BITE HART LANE,” screams the front page of the Sun. “Defoe chomps rival.” And there’s the picture to prove it. Jermain Defoe, Tottenham Hotspurs’ hungry striker, is sinking his teeth … (read more)

Posted: 23rd, October 2006 | In: Back pages | Comment

Daily Mail Kills

EVERY day of every week the Mail thinks up imaginative ways to remind you that life is cruel and you are going to experience pain and die. And if it … (read more)

Posted: 23rd, October 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

A Dickens Of A Week

THE week’s news focused on the Dickensian story of the Jew, the orphan and the flight to London Town. On Monday, Davie Twist’s future was far from certain. Charities and … (read more)

Posted: 21st, October 2006 | In: Broadsheets | Comment

Drug Rap

“GEORGE MICHAEL ON DRUGS,” promises the Mirror’s front page. And in honour of this “EXCLUSIVE”, the paper bills itself as “A BETTER WEED”, a pun on narcotics, such as those … (read more)

Posted: 20th, October 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Silks & Purses

THE arrival of little Madonna’s new orphan son, young David Banda Twist, in London has turned minds to those Dickensian days when boys got to eat by picking a pocket … (read more)

Posted: 20th, October 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Madonna’s Maternal Girl

MORE news of little David Banda now. With the boy in London Town, the Sun publishes a picture of the first time he and Madonna met. Beneath a tree in … (read more)

Posted: 20th, October 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Beckhams Cross That Bridge

“BECKHAMS’ minder killed in Iraq blast,” announces the Sun’s front page. And there is a picture of Merrick McDonald, 42, sat in the front of a car with Posh ‘n’ … (read more)

Posted: 20th, October 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

The Smoking (Class) Rooms

“DEAR Sir, Can Armani please be excused school today because lessons eat into his smoking time? His dad and me both agree that smoking is a key stage of his … (read more)

Posted: 19th, October 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Aniston Bumps Off Brad

JENNIFER Aniston and Vince Vaughn have embarked on solo projects. But before they go this was and that way, Vince looks back over his shoulder and says: “GET OVER BRAD!” … (read more)

Posted: 19th, October 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment

Madonna Considered

MADONNA is back in London Town with her new child. And all is well in the land of Dickens. Hear ye! Hear ye! And if little Davie Twist is reading … (read more)

Posted: 19th, October 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

The McCartney Witch Hunt

“MACCA: NOW IT’S GETTING REALLY DIRTY,” announces the Mail’s front page. And we applaud the Mail’s brave decision to publish more shots from Die Freuden der Liebe (The Lover’s Guide), … (read more)

Posted: 19th, October 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comments (2)

What’s My Line?

PITY the wannabe celebrity as she looks though her coin purse and dreams of the day she too can spend a £1,000 a week on cocaine. For now the young … (read more)

Posted: 19th, October 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Democrats For Gin

STRANGE it is that the US, a country that offers choice in all things from cola to breast implants, should distil its politics into two parties. Do you want the … (read more)

Posted: 19th, October 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Jordan’s Price

Name Her Price Glamour mo-del Jordan, aka Katie Andre, nee Katie Price, has declared that she is approaching billionaire status. “Oh, I’m not far off now,” said the walking inflatable. … (read more)

Posted: 18th, October 2006 | In: Royal Family | Comment

Scrabble Sharks

AS soon as we revealed that former East London (Margaret Drabble) Scrabble shark Guy Ritchie had been having a right two and eight with missus Madonna about the boardgame of … (read more)

Posted: 18th, October 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Madonna Wants More

WHY it’s little Davie Twist, as we live and breath. Madonna’s new boy is in olde London Town, learning to pick-a-pocket or two and that large amounts don’t grow on … (read more)

Posted: 18th, October 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Paul McCartney’s Breasts

“EXCLUSIVE: Court documents filed by Heather Mills contain sensational claims of abuse by her husband,” announces the Mail on its front page. And on reading that we revisit Die Freuden … (read more)

Posted: 18th, October 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

There Be Grapes

THEY’VE got grapes in Westcliffe-on-Sea. Big ones. Juicy. “I haven’t seen anything like it in my life,” says Sylvia Gibson, 57, who has seen the fruit in the ripe flesh. … (read more)

Posted: 18th, October 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Robbie Williams Uncovered

“ROBBIE: Liam is an ugly inbred.” When they are not making terrible music, taking drugs and drink, staying in rehab or banging on about their self-diagnosed clinical/bi-polar/manic depression, our popstars … (read more)

Posted: 17th, October 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Beckham & Holmes – Friends Of A Fashion

THE generous-heels, the just-so brown bobbed hair and the interesting nose suggest Tom Cruise. But when we look again we realise that it’s not Tom with Katie Holmes but Victoria … (read more)

Posted: 17th, October 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment

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