Anorak

| Anorak - Part 24

- Author Archive

A Man With Conviction

LOOK everyone! It’s Boy George and he’s wearing an orange bib and carrying a brush and spade. Usually we only see stars from the Eighties when they’re performing in cabaret … (read more)

Posted: 15th, August 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Now Wee Are One

Having cultivated a romance with Pete while out of the house, Nikkkki is now with Pete in the house. The poor lad doesn’t stand a chance. This is Pete who … (read more)

Posted: 14th, August 2006 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Camp Fire

WE’VE all seen them, those grainy images of men who don’t get enough sex running about the place firing guns and bursting into buildings. The landscape looks so foreign, all … (read more)

Posted: 14th, August 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment


Carbs & Copy

ON Monday we saw that Victoria Beckham had removed her hair extensions. These things can be heavy and without them Her Poshness looked lighter than ever. There were rumours that … (read more)

Posted: 14th, August 2006 | In: Broadsheets | Comment


A Scary Kind Of Love

IT is a lucky break. Having foiled the alleged plot to blow up ten airliners, the Mirror reports that the “teenage girlfriend” of one of the suspects is blonde. This … (read more)

Posted: 14th, August 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


PG Rated

FIRST she was banned from travelling to Ibiza in case she met Russell Brand. Then she was banned from heading to the party island lest she should happen upon Pete … (read more)

Posted: 14th, August 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Introducing Suri Cruise

QUESTIONS still remain – Is she part alien? Is her head shaped like a flying saucer? Does she speak fluent French? But we can report that Suri Holmes-Cruise is here. … (read more)

Posted: 14th, August 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment (1)


Edward Syringehands

HERE comes Pete Doherty. He’s got syringes where his fingers should be. He’s Edward Smackhands. The Star says that Doherty is just like Edward Scissorhands, the man of fiction. And … (read more)

Posted: 14th, August 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Weather Or Not

EVERY day of every week the Mail thinks up imaginative ways to remind you that life is cruel and you are going to experience pain and die. Here is a … (read more)

Posted: 13th, August 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Grace Is A Veruca

"She’s going for that net curtain look," says Grace. "It’s the worse f***ing thing I’ve seen in my life." Grace is back. And she’s been talking about Aisleyne’s dress, the … (read more)

Posted: 12th, August 2006 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Wings Of Love -2008

TRIBUTES have been flooding in for Ollie “Mrs” Slocombe, regarded by many as the finest one-armed transvestite never to play rugby for England. “He was without doubt the hardest one-armed … (read more)

Posted: 11th, August 2006 | In: Broadsheets | Comment


G Whizz

“I’M GINORMOUS.” On a day of drama, we wonder what would have occupied the nation’s front pages had it not been for the new developments in the War On Terror. … (read more)

Posted: 11th, August 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


The Big Twist

HOW many people can you get in the Big Brother house? We ask because there is a rumour going around that on tomorrow night’s eviction the tables will be turned. … (read more)

Posted: 11th, August 2006 | In: Celebrities | Comment


This Is A Bomb

“DID THEY FOIL A NEW 9/11?” asks the Mail’s front-page question. It’s a 15-page special. It’s a good effort. And it would have been the most extensive reporting on the … (read more)

Posted: 11th, August 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Terrorist Bingo

“10/8. Was this going to be the next date in the calendar of terror?” asks this morning’s Independent. “Five planes and the plot to commit Britain’s 9/11,” says the front … (read more)

Posted: 11th, August 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment


Air Bags

THIS is a day for questions. What turns a radical Muslim into an extremist prepared to board an airplane to America and murder hundreds of people at random? It’s hard … (read more)

Posted: 11th, August 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


The Will To Live

FETCH the last will and testimony. There is news that Sir Paul McCartney may not be feeling that well. On the day the Mirror hears Charles Stapely, step-dad to Paul’s … (read more)

Posted: 11th, August 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Hair Trigger

NOT only are the alleged plotters Muslim, they are British and middle-class too. So says the Telegraph’s front-page headline as the paper struggles to come to terms not only with … (read more)

Posted: 11th, August 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment


An Imperfect Ten

There are now ten housemates in the Big Brother compound. TEN!. That’s the same number as were in the house when the first Big Brother began. Now with just over … (read more)

Posted: 10th, August 2006 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Lindsay Lohan Tat

YOU can get bored looking at Lindsay Lohan. Although the Sun, which dubs the actress “Lazy Lohan”, seems to be utterly captivated by the “seriously idle” star. Lindsay might not … (read more)

Posted: 10th, August 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


The Love Boat

“IT was the best romantic wedding of all time,” says Pamela Anderson in OK! magazine. “A real rock and roll wedding.” Pamela has just married Kid Rock (nee Robert Ritchie), … (read more)

Posted: 10th, August 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment


But Is It Hitler?

“TERRORISTS are the greatest threat since Hitler, warns Reid.” That’s John Reid, the latest Home Secretary. And it’s the headline in the Telegraph. Mr Reid says Britain is now facing … (read more)

Posted: 10th, August 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment


Queen Of Tarts

WHAT with her blonde-ish hair, choice of lawyer and patronage of a landmine charity, Heather Mills could be the new Princess Diana. If only she’d give an interview with Martin … (read more)

Posted: 10th, August 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


When Suri Met The Beckhams

SURI Holmes-Cruise where are you? We have yet to see pictures of Suri. But the Star says a representation from the UK will soon be granted an audience with this … (read more)

Posted: 10th, August 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


It’s A Bit Ofcom

Gyny is assured of a place in the Big Brother final. And with Pete and Glyn seemingly safe, it means any two of Aisleyne, Richard and Imogen will be out … (read more)

Posted: 9th, August 2006 | In: Celebrities | Comment