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Bear Essential

‘LOOK at that little boy with his teddy. Ahh. Wonder what he’s saying to his little pal. Let’s listen in. ‘I hate you. You ruined my life. I never asked … (read more)

Posted: 29th, November 2005 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Christmas Davy

‘ARE you going with Lord Chinless Wonder to the Queen’s Christmas do at Sandringham? No Christmas cracker for Harry … (read more)

Posted: 28th, November 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment

All Present And Corrected

‘LONG gone are the days when all you wanted for Christmas were your two front teeth. What good are new gnashers without new lips, a new nose and some cheekbone … (read more)

Posted: 28th, November 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Second & Third Best

‘HOW the papers must miss George Best. On slow news days, Best was always a story the press could trot out. Have you seen Gin and Tonic? … (read more)

Posted: 28th, November 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment

A Body Of Men

‘WHEN we first saw those grainy images of naked members of the Royal Marines standing in a field fighting with mats rolled around their wrists we were appalled. Last … (read more)

Posted: 28th, November 2005 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

It Was The Best of Times…

‘“WHERE did it all go wrong?” asked the waiter confronted with the sight of George Best sipping champagne in bed with Miss World, fivers sprinkled liberally over the bed.If you … (read more)

Posted: 28th, November 2005 | In: Broadsheets | Comment

Archer’s Aim

‘HOW our hearts skip. After too long away, Jeffrey Archer is making a bid to return to the Tory Party. A politician you can trust … (read more)

Posted: 28th, November 2005 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Kitchen Confidential

‘THERE’S safety in numbers. That’s why the papers love them. Here are some things we learned last week… 2 – Professor Tim Kuskly of St Louis University says the ocean … (read more)

Posted: 26th, November 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment

We All Love A Bad Boy

‘AS the new 24-hour licensing laws kick in nationwide, the excitement of it all seemed too much for poor George Best. After years of living the high-life and battling with … (read more)

Posted: 26th, November 2005 | In: Back pages | Comment

How To Die In The Mail

‘WARNING: READING THE DAILY MAIL MAY BE HAZARDOUS TO HEALTH.Monday“How mums can pass on stress to children”“Dentists could dump 8 million NHS patients” Tuesday“Like thousands of others, Sally was seduced … (read more)

Posted: 26th, November 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Speaking Her Mind

‘SEE little Armani and Jake with their new and oh-so cheap Slovakian au pair. What was your name again, dear? “My name is Svetlana.” Oh, yes, Sylvia. Such a nice … (read more)

Posted: 26th, November 2005 | In: Reviews | Comment

The Pink Pound

‘ARE you gay? If you are, can you please pop down to the offices of Teignbridge District Council, Devon, and show them what you look like. A Teignbridge councillor and … (read more)

Posted: 25th, November 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment

What’s My Line?

‘DO write in if you currently work in a TV detector van. Better yet, send in your diary. ‘Sort it aht, Peggy! … (read more)

Posted: 25th, November 2005 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Browned Off

‘AS shocks go the news that Simon Cowell is vain ranks right up there with “Jordan – they’re falsies”, “Ulrika Jonsson sleeps with celeb” and “Posh wears clothes”. Keep yer … (read more)

Posted: 25th, November 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment

No Half Measures

‘BRITONS today do not do things by halves. And the gold medal goes to… When … (read more)

Posted: 25th, November 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Could It Be Tragic?

‘GREAT news for Thatters, Takers and Jason Orange – Take That are to reunite. Relight their fire … (read more)

Posted: 25th, November 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment

State Of Play

‘“NAUGHTY boys in nasty schools/ Headmasters breaking all the rules/ Having fun and playing fools/ Smashing up the woodwork tools”. So sang Madness. ‘Come on then! I’ll take on the … (read more)

Posted: 25th, November 2005 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Drinking To It

‘HOW times have changed. Nowadays George Best would just have been another casual drinker, rather than the booze celebre. George did nothing by halves … (read more)

Posted: 25th, November 2005 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Sofa, So Good

‘WANT to know what Tom Cruise is giving Katie Holmes for a wedding present? Real love … (read more)

Posted: 24th, November 2005 | In: Reviews | Comment

For Whom The Bell Tolls

‘SORRY if the copy’s a bit late, and a little smudged. Writing on a wobbly, sticky pub table has its drawbacks. Oyez! Oyez! Last one to the pub’s a journalist … (read more)

Posted: 24th, November 2005 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Passing The Baton

‘AS any visitor to a major city knows, there is the place on the postcards and that other place where the people not on romantic weekend breaks actually live. The … (read more)

Posted: 24th, November 2005 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

The Beautiful Peeps

‘WHAT do you think of when you hear the name Stavros? Go on. Be honest. Nice legs, shame about the boat … (read more)

Posted: 24th, November 2005 | In: Reviews | Comment

Terror In The Classroom

‘WHAT with Jordan’s wedding, a dead parrot and Wayne Rooney in the kitchen, the War On Terror has been forced to take a back seat of late. When good kids … (read more)

Posted: 24th, November 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment

A Knock Out Blow

‘JUST time to tell you that Chris Eubank, the boxther with the idiosyncratic take on the English language, has been declared a bankrupt. ‘A horth, a horth, my kingdome for … (read more)

Posted: 24th, November 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment

No Defence

‘THE revolution may not be televised, but the war in Iraq is. And if you work at the Ministry of Defence, you can watch the fighting on a shiny new … (read more)

Posted: 24th, November 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment

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