Anorak

- Author Archive

Harry Spotter

‘A POX on Harry Potter and his legion of adult fans. Spot the difference Ooer. … (read more)

Posted: 10th, November 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Winners Are Grinners

‘TONY BLAIR is beginning to fade. Soon all that will be left of him will be that grin. Defenestration, defenestration, defenestration … (read more)

Posted: 10th, November 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Dynasty

‘HAVING mummified his granny and Windsor Castle in celluloid, the surprise is that Prince Eddie wasn’t asked to make the film of his brother Charles’s affair with Camilla. In 30 … (read more)

Posted: 10th, November 2005 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Defeat Is Made For Walking

‘THE coating has not completely come off Teflon Tony – it’s just been scratched a bit. Peas in a pod … (read more)

Posted: 10th, November 2005 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Calling Time

‘“WHAT’S the time, Mr Wolf?” asks the little loves in the playground. The wolf spins round, his chops slavering. “Time for you to get inside. I can’t get any rest … (read more)

Posted: 10th, November 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Brief Encounters

‘IF a clothed David Davis doesn’t turn you on, what about putting him in a pair of briefs? Grimace and bear it … (read more)

Posted: 10th, November 2005 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Brassed Off

‘CELINE Dion is not the only musician with a long face. Get a load of that lot in the Bournemouth Symphony Orchestra. What a bunch of miserabilists. ‘Hello, Bournemouth! Yeah! … (read more)

Posted: 9th, November 2005 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Jabbing With The Right

‘WHETHER it’s rescuing Blackie the donkey, keeping Germans off our sunbeds or saving the great British conker, newspapers love a campaign. Measles, Mumps, and Rubella … (read more)

Posted: 9th, November 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Tufty’s Tale

‘IF it’s not those over-paid, over-sexed and over here American GIs taking our women, it’s the American squirrel taking the nuts from our furry red pals. Not in my name … (read more)

Posted: 9th, November 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Yellow Fever

‘HEARING that George Best is alive is great news, not least of all for the papers, which love nothing more than relaying news of Best’s brushes with death to the … (read more)

Posted: 9th, November 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Nursery School

‘STORIES that Tony Blair is to star as Mary Poppins in a remake of that seminal nanny film are, as yet, unfounded. ‘Education, education, education’ … (read more)

Posted: 9th, November 2005 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Shopper Soiled

‘LIKE knowing where you were when JFK was shot or what you doing when you first saw Liz Hurley in that dress, the moment any of us hears Coleen McLoughlin … (read more)

Posted: 9th, November 2005 | In: Reviews | Comment

Never Sa-Die

‘THIS might well be Sadie Frost’s “first major interview” since her divorce, but few of us can remember any major interviews she did before her divorce. Making time for a … (read more)

Posted: 9th, November 2005 | In: Reviews | Comment

Norway To Treat A Lady

‘EVER so often something really awesome happens to Hello!. As it hangs onto the gates at Buckingham Palace like a royalist gibbon, it hears a noise. Hello! and goodbye … (read more)

Posted: 9th, November 2005 | In: Reviews | Comment

Plot Of Bother

‘“VICAR bans grave tributes,” says the Express in a story that is surely further evidence of a world gone mad and the PC are brigade running out of control.The story … (read more)

Posted: 8th, November 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Danny’s Girl

‘“IS Jose Mourinho the Barclays Premiership’s answer to Simon Cowell?” ask Joanna Taylor in her “the footballer’s wife” column in the Times. Joanna in her kit … (read more)

Posted: 8th, November 2005 | In: Back pages | Comment

Sack It

‘AFTER yesterday’s news that Prince Harry is a “dunce” (Sun) comes today’s news in the Mail that he might not be all that thick after all. ‘You haven’t got your … (read more)

Posted: 8th, November 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Double Trouble

‘TONY Blair should be warned that agreeing to be questioned by mimic Jon Culshaw doing an impression of the Labour leader might not bode well. Can Tony help himself? … (read more)

Posted: 8th, November 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Coin Of The Realm

‘CAST your mind back and try to remember why it was you wanted the Tories out in 1997? Lord Falconer once shared a flat with Tony Blair … (read more)

Posted: 8th, November 2005 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Waiting For The Clamp Down

‘WHEN we first heard of Anthony Sawoniuk, the only Nazi war criminal to be convicted in Britain, we were intrigued to learn that he had worked for 25 years as … (read more)

Posted: 8th, November 2005 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

A Waste Of Hot Air

‘IF all the hot air expended at Westminster was channelled into a Millennium Dome-sized sail, Britain could be blown loose of her moorings and sailed off to the coast of … (read more)

Posted: 7th, November 2005 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Boy Facers

‘SEE the City boy as he races past you in his state-of-the-art sports car with flashing lights and “MY OTHER CAR’S AT MY BIG HOUSE IN THE COUNTRY” bumper sticker. … (read more)

Posted: 7th, November 2005 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Posh’s Posse

‘WITH Kate Moss’s “Moss Posse” as damaged as last year’s Ugg boots, OK! has searched around for a new girl gang. And it’s come up with “Posh’s Posse”. Round ’em … (read more)

Posted: 7th, November 2005 | In: Reviews | Comment

Gigi String

‘WHEN Kerry Katona announced via the front page of OK! magazine “WE’LL HAVE A BIG WHITE WEDDING”, the printers forgot to add the addendum: “EACH.” The back of Kerry … (read more)

Posted: 7th, November 2005 | In: Reviews | Comment

M B Games

‘WE don’t get to learn what the “B” in Emma B’s name stands for, but it surely offers an insight into her career ambitions. ‘I before E but not after … (read more)

Posted: 7th, November 2005 | In: Reviews | Comment

Contact Us Writers