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The Birds

‘DO you still feel like chicken tonight? Bird flu has arrived in Britain. It’s here A … (read more)

Posted: 7th, April 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Bone Meal

‘NEWS now to shock. Calista Flockhart, the actress who modelled herself on Kojak’s lollipop and became a TV star in Ally McBeal, does not suffer from “tiny bones”. Working her … (read more)

Posted: 7th, April 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

The Missing Link

‘WE have cracked it. Two seemingly unrelated stories have merged to present a picture of what might be going on with Ken Livingstone and evolution. A newt by any other … (read more)

Posted: 7th, April 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment

Oxford Ho!

‘STANDARDS. It is all about standards. And we are less then heartened to learn that the president of the Oxford University Boat Club overdid it after his side’s victory in … (read more)

Posted: 7th, April 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Muggle Headed

‘“DUDLEY looked a lot like Uncle Vernon. He had a large, pink face, not much neck, small, watery blue eyes and thick, blond hair that lay smoothly on his thick, … (read more)

Posted: 6th, April 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Water Fools

‘GRASS a benefits cheat. Grass a non income-tax payer. And now you are being urged to grass up people who flout the hosepipe ban and water their, er, grass. Save … (read more)

Posted: 6th, April 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Shady Deals

‘IT’S front-page news. It must be big. And it is. As the Sun announces: “EMINEM DIVORCE.” You may now puke on the bride … (read more)

Posted: 6th, April 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

For Mankind

‘WE who looked up in adoration as David Hasselhoff crushed the Berlin Wall under his flip flops cannot believe it. Did he really break his wife’s nose as well as … (read more)

Posted: 6th, April 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment

Teed Off

‘LET us be honest for a moment – just for a moment, then we can carry on with the usual lies and misrepresentation. A 4×4 ball … (read more)

Posted: 6th, April 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Whimpering Out

‘WE have seen Angelina Jolie in her knickers – but we are not sure how often she changes them. Who wears the pants? … (read more)

Posted: 6th, April 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment

Crossing Jordan

‘“‘I DON’T love you any more, Katie.’ Peter’s words cut me like a knife and tears streamed down my face. ‘You can’t mean it,’ I said. ‘I love you.’ ‘It’s … (read more)

Posted: 6th, April 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Raving Mad

‘EXPERIMENTING with drugs is not clever. And we are not just talking about the mystery clubber who tells the world via the Star’s front page: “I TOOK 40,000 ECSTASY TABS…25 … (read more)

Posted: 5th, April 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Rock ‘N’ Rolls

‘IS it any wonder the doyens of the Brits music awards need the aged Sex Pistols to enliven the show when today’s stars are as exciting as yesterday’s cheddar cheese? … (read more)

Posted: 5th, April 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Sheep & Cheerful

‘AL-Jazeera’s line up features Osama bin Laden, beheadings, David Frost and now The Baas, a Welsh language children’s series. He keeps looking at my eyes … (read more)

Posted: 5th, April 2006 | In: Celebrities | Comment

The Clash Of Civilisations

‘OLD punks never die – they just give their Mohicans a blue rinse. I wanna be…an OAP … (read more)

Posted: 5th, April 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Not So Goody

‘“JADE NICKED,” says the Sun’s front-page headline. “Cops quiz star over row.” Spot the crime What’s this? … (read more)

Posted: 4th, April 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Wings Of Love

‘THAT Condoleezza Rice and Jack Straw enjoy a close relationship is beyond question. Not only did the US Secretary of State visit Straw’s Blackburn locale, but after experiencing the wind, … (read more)

Posted: 4th, April 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Regime Change

‘MOUSSAOIU may yet eclipse the notoriety attached to the name Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, the man the Times calls “the most feared commander in the Iraqi insurgency”. Not wanted … (read more)

Posted: 4th, April 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Sob Story

‘KATE Garraway is going through the “milky dopey stage”. Having just given birth to Darcey (female), she feels a bit “like I’m floating around and people have been talking to … (read more)

Posted: 4th, April 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment

Marking Time

‘HAPPY birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. You look like a ferret and you smell like one too. For he’s a jolly good fe… Britney was getting bored stiff … (read more)

Posted: 4th, April 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment

Desperately Seeking Martyrdom

‘WITH Condoleezza Rice and Jack Straw’s love affair moving on from Alabama and Blackburn to a sightseeing city break in Baghdad, this is a good moment to look at events … (read more)

Posted: 4th, April 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Normality Is…

‘“HOW have you achieved your fabulous figure?” OK! asks the questions that others dare not even think about. The washing machine’s friend … (read more)

Posted: 4th, April 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment

Families Reunited

‘CAN it really be to two years since Coleen McLoughlin turned 18? Our training in GCSE maths tells us it must be because Wayne Rooney’s chavtastic lover has just turned … (read more)

Posted: 4th, April 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Raving Madness

‘RANDY guests. Braying Hooray Henriettas. Snogging. Chuck in some toe sucking and a round of golf and Princess Eugenie Windsor’s 16th birthday party could have been any evening at home … (read more)

Posted: 3rd, April 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Pipes Down

‘OI! Put that out. No, not the cigarette. That hosepipe. Don’t you know there’s a ban on? Mix two parts gin to one part vodka … (read more)

Posted: 3rd, April 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

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