Anorak

- Author Archive

Mullah Time

‘OUR open contest to find the new face of Muslim extremism in the UK has been disappointing. ‘Come on you Spurs’ … (read more)

Posted: 16th, March 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

They Predict A Riot

‘“I PREDICT A RIOT,” chant the Kaiser Chiefs, Britain’s new and highly praised Oi band. The Kaiser … (read more)

Posted: 16th, March 2006 | In: Back pages | Comment

Hitler Youth

‘“STOP ZIS MENTION OF WAR,” says the Star in its best sitcom German. Too much talk of the war is no good at all. For you, the war is over … (read more)

Posted: 16th, March 2006 | In: Back pages | Comment

The Exploding Head(lines)

‘“WE SAW HUMAN GUINEA PIGS EXPLODE,” says the Sun’s front page, and we grow pale. Myfanwy Marshall feels the pain … (read more)

Posted: 16th, March 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Pass Marks

‘HANDS up who understands how the education system works. Come on, show yourselves – answers count towards a GCSE in Government education policy. ‘Do you know you’re finished?’ ‘You humm … (read more)

Posted: 16th, March 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Home Sickness

‘“WAD A SPONGER,” says the Star’s front page, and we wonder if we should applaud “super-scrounger” layabout Mick Philpott, 49, who has fathered 15 children by five different mothers and … (read more)

Posted: 15th, March 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comments (2)

Off His Noodle

‘WITH no mad mullah stepping forward to take on the role of Britain’s resident Islamic nutter at large, the Sun is forced to see what one of the old guard … (read more)

Posted: 15th, March 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment (1)

Family Values

‘FOR sale: 98-yar-old women. White. Widowed (husband Vincente Minnelli died in 1986.) Teeth and hair optional. Offers in the region of $3.5 million. Knock! Knock! … (read more)

Posted: 15th, March 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment

Mate & See

‘IN keeping with the Hollywood fashion for booking into hotels under false names, we have taken the liberty of dubbing Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn ‘Ming Ling’ and ‘Choo Choo’. … (read more)

Posted: 15th, March 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment

(Track) Suits You

‘LAST week, Victoria Beckham came down from on high and delivered her 10 Commandments for a better dressed you (See Anorak: ‘A Perfect 10’.) Now all you need is the … (read more)

Posted: 15th, March 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Trial & Error

‘IT takes a certain kind of person to agree to have new drugs and medical treatment tested on them. Often these human guinea pigs are called ‘medial students’ and they … (read more)

Posted: 15th, March 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Pitt In Hell

‘WHILE Jennifer Aniston dreams of the pitter-patter of tiny paws, her ex-husband is making ready to marry again. Mum’s the word … (read more)

Posted: 15th, March 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment

Three World Cups & One World Pope

‘THE best football chants are the spontaneous ones. ‘Inger-world. No. Inger-place. Not that. How does it go?’ … (read more)

Posted: 14th, March 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Babe Watch

‘AFICIONADOS of red-top news might expect the story of how Corrie Drew, 24, opened her bedroom curtains in her bra and knickers to find two men fixing a CCTV camera … (read more)

Posted: 14th, March 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Disappearing Act

‘LIKE Fred and Ginger, Desi and Lucille, Pinky and Perky and all those other great double acts that have entertained us down the years, the mention of one name demands … (read more)

Posted: 14th, March 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Out Of Pocket Money

‘HOW much does a baseball hat cost? And while you’re investigating that, check out the prices on white vests and trainers. Priceless … (read more)

Posted: 14th, March 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Dutch caps

‘IT is not only the English who are unable and unwilling to forget the war. The Dutch are finding it hard to move on. Never again … (read more)

Posted: 14th, March 2006 | In: Back pages | Comment

The Crusade For Good Education

‘TIME has ticked by and baby is now ready for school. Problem is that the local private institution is too dear and, according to the league tables, the state comprehensive … (read more)

Posted: 14th, March 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Beck & Forth

‘HANG a tailor’s dummy from a lamppost, lock up your knickers and book a hose at your colonic irrigationist’s – Posh and Becks are coming home to Blighty. It’s au … (read more)

Posted: 13th, March 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Me And My Drugs

‘CAREER stalled? Stuck in the same old rut of appearing on reality TV shows and nodding your head on 100 Best TV Socks? You up there, Mr Mandela? … (read more)

Posted: 13th, March 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Acting Up

‘HOORAY for Hollywood. The mere mention of the word Oscars banished bird flu, Islamic nutters and MRSA from the news pages. Such is the power of cinema. One lump … (read more)

Posted: 13th, March 2006 | In: Broadsheets | Comment

Flying Scotsman

‘AS passengers onboard the Waterloo to Bournemouth service late last Wednesday night will attest, the Government’s integrated transport policy is a wow. To Warrington and infinity… … (read more)

Posted: 13th, March 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Es Are Bad

‘WARNING: READING THE DAILY MAIL MAY BE HAZARDOUS TO HEALTH.A selection of things that will kill you and yours from last week’s paper of doom…MONDAY“Bird flu kills ten gulls in … (read more)

Posted: 13th, March 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

True Bluebloods

‘SHE made it through the wilderness, somehow she made it through, and Camilla Parker Bowles was born anew. ‘Hurry up, Charles!’ … (read more)

Posted: 13th, March 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Go Figure

‘WHAT happens to the weight celebrities lose? Is it stored in some giant vat in a secret Hollywood location, ready to be piped into the local water supply, thereby giving … (read more)

Posted: 13th, March 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment

Contact Us Writers