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Straighten It Like Beckham

‘SO much for bend it like Beckham. The Mail says David Beckham has Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and can only do things in straight lines. David and that magazine rack … (read more)

Posted: 3rd, April 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Raving Madness

‘RANDY guests. Braying Hooray Henriettas. Snogging. Chuck in some toe sucking and a round of golf and Princess Eugenie Windsor’s 16th birthday party could have been any evening at home … (read more)

Posted: 3rd, April 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Road To Oblivion

‘EVERY day of every week the Mail thinks up imaginative ways to remind you that life is cruel and you are going to experience pain and die. Here is a … (read more)

Posted: 3rd, April 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Self Control

‘SCOTLAND the brave. So brave that on Monday we watched locals step outside into the icy driving rain to smoke a cigarette, or a salmon. Put that pipe out! … (read more)

Posted: 3rd, April 2006 | In: Broadsheets | Comment

Pipes Down

‘OI! Put that out. No, not the cigarette. That hosepipe. Don’t you know there’s a ban on? Mix two parts gin to one part vodka … (read more)

Posted: 3rd, April 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Keeping Her Powder Dry

‘AS Tara Palmer-Tomkinson has shown, one white powder can look very much like another. For cocaine, read Ariel washing powder. For talc, read amphetamine sulphate. Moss gets ready to dry … (read more)

Posted: 31st, March 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Gloria In Excelsis

‘“I’VE been reporting on major national and international issues on TV and radio for the past ten years – and suddenly I’m known for the ‘Kate and Derek’ story,” says … (read more)

Posted: 31st, March 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment

Abusive Phone Calls

‘IF Kate Moss does wind up in choky on a cocaine rap, she could be in good company. The Mirror says that Moss’s catwalk mate Naomi Campbell has been arrested. … (read more)

Posted: 31st, March 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

A Bryer’s Market

‘TANIA Bryer appears as a vision of “understated elegance in a blue top and burgundy slacks”. Taxi for Bryer! … (read more)

Posted: 31st, March 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment

Tara My Lover

‘THERE are awards and there are the Ariel High Street Fashion Awards. Whiter than white … (read more)

Posted: 31st, March 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Facing Up

‘“I’D never turn the clock back,” says Liz Hurley, the face of beauty products from her native Basingstoke to Brisbane. Inspire – by Liz and Damian Hurley … (read more)

Posted: 31st, March 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment

Neighbourhood Watch

‘AND the search for a new resident Islamic nutter goes on. Bakri relaxes in his new flat … (read more)

Posted: 30th, March 2006 | In: Broadsheets | Comment

Thongs For The Memories

‘TOM Jones should take care. The women who now make up the sturdier part of his fan base have aged. ‘What kind of a sword do you have?’ … (read more)

Posted: 30th, March 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Simian Says

‘NEWS now that will certainly be of interest to celebrity mums, like actress Amanda Holden who holds newborn daughter Alexa Louise Florence Hughes up so the Mail’s readers can get … (read more)

Posted: 30th, March 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Breast Gazing

‘OF course you are not leering at that Page 3 girl – you are interested in hearing her opinions of matters most urgent. I see a footballer. A spit … (read more)

Posted: 30th, March 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

All Prezza And Incorrect

‘HOW was your weekend? What about the earlier part of the week? Trains run on time? Anyone punch you in the head? Work colleagues, friends and family start talking in … (read more)

Posted: 30th, March 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Houston Has A Problem

‘ANOTHER day dawns – and we are shocked and appalled by yet another tale of celebrity drug taking. “WHITNEY ON CRACK,” says the Sun’s front page. And there are “shocking … (read more)

Posted: 29th, March 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Mum’s Bum

‘“WHY don’t you write the truth about my daughter for once? Tell everyone she is posh and a f***ing good score for any man.” Where did it all go wrong? … (read more)

Posted: 29th, March 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

A Tale Of Two Strikes

‘THE bad news is that yesterday’s strike by an estimated 1 million council workers means that the workshop into what kind of biscuits are right and proper to serve at … (read more)

Posted: 29th, March 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

One Over The Eight

‘“PETER is unpredictable at the best of times” says an onlooker. Only he is anything but. Pete Doherty is a celebrity you can set your clock by. ‘What Jaguar?’ … (read more)

Posted: 29th, March 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

We’re No. 1

‘WHEN Wimbledon FC were in their prime, they used to frighten the opposition by taking a radio into the dressing room and blasting our hardcore techno house music. Vinnie Jones … (read more)

Posted: 28th, March 2006 | In: Back pages | Comment

The Fags Four

‘WITH the smoking ban just underway in Scotland, and set to begin south of the border next year, we read that the keepers of the nation’s health are wiping history … (read more)

Posted: 28th, March 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Permission Impossible

‘WE are as excited at you are at the impending arrival of little Ron Hubbard Holmes-Cruise. An artist’s impression of the birth … (read more)

Posted: 28th, March 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Above His Station

‘EXCUSE the length of the following quote. It’s just that when Ken Livingstone speaks we like to allow him to keep going, looking on as his toes, then foot then … (read more)

Posted: 28th, March 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

One Fine Day

‘WELCOME to 1926 and all that. Today we hark back to the year Turkey switched to the Gregorian calendar, future Queen Elizabeth II was born and Harry Houdini died of … (read more)

Posted: 28th, March 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

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