TV & Radio Category
Television and radio programme reviews, trailers, highlights, twilights and cinema news. Also the neglected gems from years past.
YOU might know Anna Jardine Jones from her presenting job on Super Casino, one of the UK’s premier late-night TV casino shows. But how did she get the job? What’s her motivation? Is it all glamour? And what’s the truth about that vending machine?
28 UP is the greatest TV franchise ever created. It’s not the one that has made the most money or the most famous but it is the greatest, a true document of human experience that has stretched across decades and charted its beautiful, broken, bruised and buoyant quality. The children of the original Up series are now adults, some have stuck with the show throughout, others have come and gone from the frame. Their lives have opened up to us every 7 years and for many those ‘characters’ have been anchor points in their own lives.
28 Up South Africa accidentally arrived this week at a striking time. Nelson Mandela’s death fresh in my mind I watched the reality of modern South Africa for the children of apartheid, the generation that has been stalked by and brutalised by the dread hand of HIV and AIDS. Mandela changed South Africa forever but he was not and could not be a saint or a superhero. In his final moments, he will have been justified in smiling at what he helped usher in with sheer force of will and determination but also carrying a heaviness in his heart that inequality and pain still dog his people, both black and white, so relentlessly.
IT is only when important figures die that you start to reflect and realise what you had before your eyes all this time. In Nelson Mandela, we had a Martin Luther King Jr. We had a Gandhi. We had a Malcolm X. Of course, these people were divisive, but everyone should applaud what they aimed to do – stop unfair, inhumane treatment of people who aren’t white.
To some Mandela was a terrorist. To most, he was a man who defied a racist regime, went to prison and stayed strong in his belief to do the right thing and, inexplicably, he managed it. Apartheid, initially a ghettoisation of people, dressed up all cuddly by White Supremacists as ‘helping us all to be better neighbours’ rather than ‘Hey! Black guy! Whitey will have where you’re stood, ’til the horizon, thanks! And we’ll kill you if you complain!’, was lead by Mandela and the whole world rejoiced because he never gave up in his quest to end segregation.
DO you ever watch Super Casino on Sky channel 862? It’s just like being in a real casino, albeit without the sticky floors, Stag dos and that woman in the lavender-tinted glasses who hovers. It’s just a great to spend money on a ball going around and around and around a table. But take care. One sofa punter seem sto have gotten his late-night Sky viewing mixed up. It’s not Babestation. Anna Jardine Jones does not do that sort of thing:
THE Star Trek crew will now sing Let it Snow:
ANORAK loves a world record, the more specious the better. So, we like Joris (George) Goens, 53, the town-crier of Furnes, breaking the world record for ‘grape catching with the mouth in three minutes’. He caught 223 grapes. That he chose to make his record attempt on Belgium’s Got Talent is all the better.
Mic Right’s Remotely Furious: Sam Wollaston and Charlie Brooker
SAM Wollaston is my favourite TV critic of the modern age. While Clive James continued in his dotage to be pure genius, Wollaston is a performance artist, the Andy Kaufmann of sitting around gawping at other people’s work then witlessly hammering out some half-thought out bibble for The Guardian. Nice work if you can get it.
WORLD Memory Champion Jonas Von Essen rises to the challenge of reciting the Newsnight credits from memory. You see, on BBC TV’s Newsnight everyone’s famous. It’s not news unless it’s about the news bringers. Well, unbess it’s about Jimmy Savile and everyone from the 1970s telly being dug up and arrested, in which case, here’s Jonassssss….
My name is Walter White and I’m a meth cook and for 10 years I had the best meth in Alabama. And if you wanted the best meth, you had to come this way, you had to come to me.
Waler got in to the meth business for the conversation and dental plan. No, not really. It was for the cash. He’s trail begins in April 2014:
If I have to go to prison, I won’t be hurting anybody but myself this time. It’s just me answering up to the things I’ve done. My family, they’ve got jobs and lives. I won’t be hurting them this time.
CELEBRITIES live in a wonderfully weird world. Look at Cheryl Cole for example, who just got a load of money for not doing any work. She’s won a payout from producers of X factor USA, after she got dropped from the show after just one episode because she’s got an accent.
It was widely rumoured and reported that she got the chop because producers thought that Americans wouldn’t be able to understand her when she spoke with her Geordie accent.
She sued production company Blue Orbit for for £1.4m for loss of earnings and now the case has now been settled out of court, with the Girls Aloud member accepting a lovely undisclosed sum.
AH, Eastenders the only London garden square non-oligarchs and trust-funded sados (sons and daughters of stars) can afford to live in. London is now so very expensive that it’s a fortress. If you’re not already in, forget about settling there. Best to accept the fact that you can never live in the city. Make your home town at the end of the long commute the epicentre of culture.
The only working class people who can afford London property prices are fictional. It’s true.
CHRISTIAN David Benoit Exposes Occultic Tendencies in Rock Music. He tells us that rock ‘n’ rolls is about ‘Buttons’. He tells us that he once met a burns victim. And - hallelujah – his nauseating flesh was the best thing that could have happened to that hellraiser:
HAPPY Hanukkah Bitches!
Language is NSFW (but Bubala says it’s fine for Hanukkah). Jaquann and Luis are here to help you make latkas:
WHEN singer Roy Harper, 72, has been charged with sexually abusing a girl from the age of 12, we thought it unfortunate that just five days earlier BBC Radio 6 Music broadcast a show about him. It’s title? The First Time With Roy Harper:
Note: Mr Harper was not required to enter a plea to any of the charges.
Mic Wright’s Remotely Furious: Dr Who.
YOU spotted a plot hole did you? And you think Stephen Moffatt can’t write women? Yeah. Alright. Take it to your Twitter account. Maybe write a blaaaaag post about how it annoyed you and how the (virtually) free entertainment has offended you. Throw in some of that half-arsed cultural theory you learned at university in there too, that’ll really make it sing.
CAN the Sun create a RACE STORM from nothing? It can try. In “Fans were so racist Hannah shocked by X Factor abuse”, X Factor wannabe Hannah Barrett is pictured looking a tad morose.
Hannah told TV Biz: “I’ve had a lot of hate — people have been racist to me. They say they hate my music, they tell me that because I am black I can’t ever be a singer.”
SPOILERS. Sorry, the first word of this article was so blunt, but there’s people out there who are so feeble, so jumpy, so gawpingly pathetic that they need to be told about the contents of an internet article, or indeed, absolutely everyone’s social media feeds, in case someone spoils a TV show or film for them.
Some people rant about spoilers for films that are decades old. You’ve have your chance buddy. Shit, or get off the pot.
FLASHBACK to Delia Derbyshire (5 May 1937 – 3 July 2001).
Delia Derbyshire is the mathematics and music scholar most famous for creating the whirling intro to Dr Who. She was working at the BBC’s Radiophonic Workshop in 1963 when she was given Ron Grainer’s score.
* She used concrete sources and sine- and square-wave oscillators, tuning the results, filtering and treating, cutting so that the joins were seamless, combining sound on individual tape recorders, re-recording the results, and repeating the process, over and over again.
SO. DO you have any dental problems? No. Not any more. Not since I lost all my teeth.
The fun is only added to by the straight-laced tones of the narrator.
Mic Wright’s Remotely Furious
HOW much money do I have to pay to have Matthew Wright change his name? I will take out a mortgage/sell a kidney/assassinate a foreign leader to make the cash required. The blubbering ballache is ruining this year’s I’m A Celebrity by becoming the go-to-guy for Bushtucker trials because he cries about everything. He’s a towering arsehole on his own talk show but obviously that bitchy veneer is just that: a thin layer of toughness masking a blancmange of bawling.
ONE way to deal with shoplifters…
FINALLY: How to Open a Can without a Can Opener:
IN this timelapse video of London 18000 pictures taking up 364 GB of hard drive space, shot over 8 days: